Sexual Health.....and Wellness.

Ahhhh Haaaa! There is no greater feeling than finding your niche, your purpose, your "calling". I had the privilege of attending the United States Conference on Aids this weekend in Chicago, Illinois. Something happend this weekend that cannot exactly be explained in words but there was definitely a shift. I went from "I hope I receive a tool that will assist me in my position as a medical social worker" to "I am excited about being a part of a movement!"

When i interviewed at the Good Samaritan Project over a year ago I wondered what brought me there. My motivation was to have the opportunity to work in a hospital setting---for anyone who knows about the struggling salary of a social worker, having the opportunity to work in a hospital setting would open doors for a greater income, greater benefits, and upward mobility. I tell people all the time that my interview was very much a spiritual experience....there was a connection that I had with the Director that i felt compelled to take the offer although the original position I had applied for was no longer available. Now, I was still working with those infected with HIV/Aids but I was not in a hospital setting. I had never worked with this population before and had never had an interest in this epidemic. Fast forward to today....the year that i have been with this agency had been the greatest year of growth and self realization that I have ever had. As a survivor of sexual abuse and exploitation, through this position I had become comfortable with SEXUALITY. I can talk about sex in its most healthy form as well as in its most unhealthiest form. Who would ever think that someone who had experienced a life of sexual violation would have the ability to work in such a field. Ahhhh Haaaaa! Although, i would never justify such an experience it amazes me how the very thing that tried to take my life is now giving my life purpose. Within my first year at GSP my director had moved on and I still asked myself soooo....although you are a good social worker where does this whole HIV/AIDS concept fit in to the big picture. I would continually ask myself: what is your niche? I have a co-workers who have niches that included: insurance, africa, families, prison...etc all around this HIV/Aids phenomenon. Then I find myself at the United States Conference on Aids crying after a session titled: Many Women, One Voice. The energy in that one room I believe shifted the purpose of my own existence. I was overwhelmed yet inspired about my willingness and ability to: speak life, after death. WOW! MY connection to the lack of sexual health and wellness in the black community put off invisible fireworks right above my head. My spirit screamed at the importance of: breaking the silence and the conservative morals that keep us in bondage. There are so many concepts that are wrapped up in this idea of sexual health and wellness from....insurance, sexual abuse, stds, domestic violence, mental health....I came to the conclusion that a lack of education and self love has caused our communities to die without experiencing a life of healthy sexuality, self love, and freedom. The idea of sex and love needs to be redefined! I was ecstatic to hear that the conversation had started! I am excited about being a part of this conversation. I am excited about being a part of this movement. I am excited about looking a black woman in her face and saying: You are beautiful, You are worth it, You can own it, You deserve it, and You can do it~GET TESTED! This is not an act of accusing but an act of self-love. This is not an act of betrayal but an act of responsibility. This is a major step in taking control of your life, owning the results and learning how to move forward. This is a deliberate act of faith! We can catch illness...but we cannot catch health! Getting Tested it the just the beginning of Choosing Life!

A sexual experience is a very spiritual one. Realizing this, we must also realize....when done right it can add to your life but when done wrong it will take away. It can rob you of your freedom, your esteem, your ability to love.... and this we carry with us. This monkey on your back makes it difficult to get a pap or breast exam. This monkey makes it difficult to get a pat down at the airport. This monkey makes it difficult to trust friends, family, and significant others. This monkey, puts up limits and bars of fear. We learn to live with this monkey, when we internally have the power to demand that it get off of our back! Many Women, One Voice-----the conversation has begun and I believe the movement of sexual liberation/freedom through WELLNESS will cause many to break the silence and in turn break the cycle so that our little black girls and boys will learn that sex was never meant to hurt or add sorrow to ones life.

I am inspired and as a result I commit to inspiring another :).