Tis the Season...

During a time when families gather and the big elephant of secrets, wounds, pains, rejection, disappointments and the like smother the ability to Love, I declare Tis the Season.

As you travel back home where your past greets you at the door, and those you knew but don’t really know greet you with a cold hug, a fake smile, a hesitant glance and you wonder where the disconnection lied. You then realize there was never a connection, you just knew them during a season of survival as you planned your exit with dreams and hopes that finally came true. With no apologies of the new you, you greet them with a mixed emotion of anger due to the pain they’ve caused and are secretly still trying to cause & pity as you know what its like to be where they still are. You then gather yourself and gratefulness fills your heart as you are reminded that: NO WEAPON. Tis the Season my friend, Tis the Season.

Walmarts, KMarts, Kohls, Macys, Toys R US,…filled with moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpas looking for the perfect gesture to prove their love. Engagements, Announcements, Celebrations planned during a season where Love is in the air. Smiles, laughter, jingles, mistletoes; Oh how affection and adoration fills homes, communities, churchs, and hearts. Tis the Season. I know most people discourage getting caught up in gift giving, with good intent I acknowledge while I toast to our need to give. Jesus gave his life and though this cannot be compared to a wrapped box under a tree, the symbolism of sacrifice & personalized intent connects us to our Creator as we feel more like Him when we give.

I am displaced you say…I have made some choices that has caused me to be separate from my family, I look around and I am among strangers but I am grateful that I at least have somewhere to lay my head. The staff here have tried to create an atmosphere of family and the churchs come to provide us with gifts and food so that we don’t feel forgotten. My faith is rocky yet I am able to pull from what I have left to keep me going. I am grateful yet discouraged, I am content yet dissatisfied, I am here yet I feel absent. I am a part of a community of people who live in shelters and depend on soup kitchens to make this season bright. Despite my current circumstance I can still muster: Tis the Season.

Oh how I wish this time of the year would pass me as things are not the same with you being gone. As I look upon others celebrating I only have memories to comfort me. Survivors guilt makes it difficult for me to enjoy the moment yet I know its what you would of wanted. My tears are many and the weights on my heart have become heavier. My heart grows wearier while I am still able to recognize: Tis the Season.

This time of year brings all things into perspective as we celebrate the birth of Christ and close out the year. As the world is lite up, choirs are singing, and our heads are encouraging our hearts to be jolly, we are all connecting and the atmosphere is shifting as we are all unconsciously on one accord. There is no amount of evil that can exceed the amount of Love that is in the air. As we experience crisis in our country and in our personal lives may the spirit of Love guide us until we find our way to declare: Tis the season. Declare!!!---Tis the season dear hearts, Tis the season.

Single&30

Hey Girlies…

So, I am single and 30.----sorry, just had to get that out as it seems to be the reality that I snuggle with at night and wake up to kiss before I leave for work in the morning. If one more person asks me when I’m going to have children I just might scream! Whatever your social status is whether single, married, divorced, or widowed, I encourage every woman to ‘know herself’. It is never too late to explore who you are and what you want. I know this concept can sometimes seem cliché but when put into action it produces great results. We should all be adamant about sitting still with a pen and a pad and asking ourselves where was  I, where am I and where do I want to be? From there we can begin to conceptualize what it will take to continue a progress of forward movement. Forward movement doesn’t always result in ‘bigger & better’ but is determined by your willingness to stay in the race. In order to stay in the race you have to have a game plan! They moment we stop believing, dreaming, planning & evaluating is the moment we decide to cease to live among the living and choose to live among the deceased. If you are alive, you might as well live J.

So, I am single and 30. I went to a marriage enrichment class at my church last night and it was a very insightful experience. A question was posed to the couples if they knew the top 5 things that made their partner happy. The shuffles in the room implied that this would soon turn into a guessing game-I’m sure some of the couples were hoping for a few lifelines to get them through this awkward moment of silence. So…why was I in the marriage enrichment class? Well…I guess to find out how to enrich my marriage.lol. I kinda think of it this way…I didn’t prepare for college once I got there but chose to prepare once I decided that college was for me. You get the point…ironically as anxious as I am as a single person, I am just as uneasy about declaring that I want to be married. Anywhoo…the question was posed and I began to think: how can someone seek happiness from another when they aren’t able to even identify what makes them happy. As a teacher by nature, I became my own student and gave myself an assignment. Ebony, name the top five things that make you happy? Now, if you are interested in knowing my answers read below. If not, my inspiration stops here and I encourage you to take on this assignment for yourself. If you have a partner I encourage you to test them and share your answers. If you are single, I encourage you to spend time doing those very things you’ve listed as you are your greatest investment. Once you marry and have children, your investments become scattered but you must not forget to put money  back in the investors’ pocket. I learned that Marriage is a selfless act that takes time, commitment, give and take, and lots of love. I came to conclusion that being single should to be a selfless act that takes time, commitment, give and take, and lots of love. If you can SUCCESSFULLY be single, you can SUCCESSFULLY be married. Both are relationships that must be intentionally cultivated. Marriage is an institution created by God to bless the individual, the unit, the home, the community, the church, and the world. Two SUCCESSFUL people coming together to partake in a lifetime of sharing.

Top five things that make me happy:

1.My relationship with the Most High makes me happy…the excitement that takes place within me when I hear his voice is priceless. The connection I feel when I am in His presence makes life sweeter. The love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy that He freely gives me keeps all things in perspective. This is where I am most grounded, feel the most secure, and have the most fun. This by far makes me the happiest girl ever! Through the cultivation of this relationship I went from being a sad creature to a happy creature…and I am oh so glad about it! I have changed. I am no longer the same.

2. My siblings make me happy…I cant thing of any other persons in the whole wide world that bring the best and worst out of me. I would lay my life down for them…and the thought of this makes me happy. I am connected to them in a special kind of way…to see them happy brings my heart joy and I can truly reside in their happiness alone. I am content knowing they are well. To sacrifice for them is my hearts desire. To give of myself to their cause completes me. These are the first set of children that the Lord gave me and I love them just the same. I love them soo much that I must be careful not to become their god or allow them to become mine. I have to continuously humble myself and let God have his perfect work. But He loves me so much He gives me enough leverage to ensure I am well for He knows they are indeed my heartbeat.

3. I love to consult & create. To formally listen to peoples dreams and visions and to create a plan MAKES ME HAPPY. I haven’t quite came up with a term for this niche but I know that I can spend hours upon hours doing it. When its someones birthday and I know them well enough to put together a sentimental package that speaks to them makes my baby jump. I get very upset if im not able to do it to perfection. If someone wants to start a business and needs help with business cards, a mission….I will stay up really late to produce something they can run with. If someone wants to throw a celebration party I get excited about the theme, the trinkets, the settings….just all of it! I am all about presentation from decorating a room to a dinner table, from making a flyer to writing a proposal…etc. This makes me happy!

4. Teaching makes me happy. Although I am a social worker and listening, empathizing, and referring clients is what I generally do, my ability to use this platform for many teachable moments makes me the most happiest. When I receive or learn a new concept I am overly eager to share it with someone…with my own presentation twist of course. To engage an audience around shared concerns and values makes me oh so happy! As a student I am overly critical when people are presenting and I come up with ways I can definitely do it better. By the same token, when someone does well… I am excited for them! When people ‘get it’ I am delighted. When people express that my words changed their outlook…I am ecstatic. To take the time to show someone the way and give them the tools to make their own way is truly the air that I breathe. Teaching makes me Happy…from the preparation/planning, the classroom set-up, engaging my students, and evaluating my effectiveness, this all makes me HAPPY!

5. Giving makes me happy!!!!! I loooovvvveeee to give! Gift giving is one of my most favoritest things to do! I am an attention to detail person. I love to watch people and look for opportunities to bless them. From a bike under a Christmas tree to paying someones rent I long for the ability to go over and beyond in my giving. I always want more just so that I can give more. Growing up because there were so many broken promises and conditional gifts I became overly aggressive about my gift giving.lol. I want people to feel loved and appreciated and when they do….this makes me HAPPY. This is another one that I must be careful with to insure that I am not unconsciously seeking acknowledgement and love because I give, so I remain prayerful and make a deal with God that I want to be his little elf and give, give, give!

This assignment was very hard for me as I am not at all the boastful type for most people are only aware of what makes me happy by witnessing me in my element.  This assignment blessed me and by doing it I became more self aware and was able to affirm who I was with no apologies.

Whoever my husband is I believe that he will love and appreciate these things about me and if its meant to be I will be able to add him to my list of things that make me Happy without deleting any of the others. Hmmmm I guess  I could squeeze him in with the siblings as I hope to love him just as much as I love them!  J.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Matters of the Heart

Wednesdays WELLness

Matters of the Heart

So many times as women we experience ‘matters of the heart’ that make us keep our behaviors a secret. We are afraid of being judged and troubled by the fact that what we are doing does not make a lot of logical sense yet it feeds the yearning and the nagging that we cannot seem to make go away. I think Im on drugs. The more my mind and some people tell me you are not whats best for me, the more I want to defend you, the more I want to defend me, the more I want to defend us; but I don’t because I don’t want to sound like a fool to them, and quite frankly I don’t want to sound like a fool to me. I said I would not take your call, and I did. I said I would cuss you out but I didn’t instead I wanted to pray for you. I said I will not write or visit you, but I want to. As my eyes are filled with tears, I truly want whats best for you. I want you to rise above every circumstance that has killed your dreams, stolen your freedom, and erased your hope. As I want all these things for you I cant help but become enraged that you are indeed the thief in which I speak of. You are standing looking down the barrel of the gun of your own self pulling the trigger. You are the green chalk board and the black eraser. I truly want whats best for you, honestly because I think that’s whats best for me. If you were at your best I would ride with you until the wheels fell off but because you are not I sit on the bus stop hoping that you will pull up with a new set of wheels, a new outlook, a new mission, a renewed belief. I wish there was a standard time frame for a women to determine when she should get off the bus stop and get her own wheels. I said I never wanted to be her. I don’t want to be her yet I have purchased another 30 day bus pass. I guess only time will tell what shall come of this. Only time will tell…but time please do tell. Speak loud enough that you pass through my mind and penetrate my heart cause that’s where the matter lies. Time waits for no one is what I heard so should I become friends with time and wait no more? Time today is my enemy as I ponder on how our timelines could not be further from different yet I subconsciously wait.  While my subconscious waits I will consciously move forward by continuing to learn how to love me more, communicate with my Father more, learn what is means to have fun, continue advancing my career, enjoying my family in a new way, & daydreaming about that talk dark and handsome that will rescue me…from you.lol. I don’t have an answer today ladies but today I give you a Matter of my Heart. The heart is the strongest muscle in ones body and mine is definitely getting some exercise. With that said, I am believing that this shall not kill me but will indeed build a strength that only experience can bring. I love yall & All is Well!

A true writer not only enjoys writing but they enjoy reading the writings of others and connecting with them. Below is a song about Matters of the Heart that made me scream----I concur, I concur!

Until next time Ladies,

Don’t drown in the Well.

Matters of the Heart Lyrics……

Waking up with my head in a cloud watching the morning come.  

Another day of the week in a month, in a year, in a life that's come undone.

 I might as well quit trying to get you off my mind

I might as well quit hoping that this heart will heal in time

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

Everyday there's another attempt to convince myself you're gone

Every night there's a promise I make that tomorrow I'll move on

 But there's a voice inside me that calls your name out loud

A part of me still hopes to see your face in every crowd

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in

 I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

 But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

Happy Birthday Sis :)

As I sit here today with a spirit to celebrate you I can see the rain running down the window pain while the melodies of Jill Scott are playing in the background. The tea kettle is whistling signaling for you to arise. As you enter the kitchen you notice that you have guest so you scurry back to your room to put on your best. Your friend Winfrey, O is what you call her, yells for you to return as she proclaims that you are amongst family and theres no need transform. You tip toe back in with your black silk scarf on head, flannel pants, and tank top with no bra. You then reach for your 'wheres waldo' glasses to insure that your mind is not playing tricks on you. They all smile at the sight of themselves as they look at you. They all in unison request your presence at the table “Join us daughter”.  A seat is saved for you right next to O and she grabs a tea mug and begins to pour water from the kettle into your cup…about  1 2/3. As she pours she gently smiles and mentions how your love of God and unapologetic spirit makes you her kin. Michelle then reaches for the milk, about  1  1/3 and begins to pour into your mug while emphasizing that your pizazz, style, and warm heart will make you profitable among men as it has her, she encourages you to continue healing with every stride you step realizing you have earned the right to be here. She then giggles and suggest that Barack has not always been “Barack” but his kind heart was worth the journey, David has a kind heart she says. Angela Davis then stands with both the black tea and cinnamon baking chips balled up in her black panther fist shouting for you to continue your zeal for reading, presenting, and human rights. She as you, valued education and got lost in the books of history. Your drink would not be complete without the clove and cardamom which was not difficult for your dear Rosa to include…she wanted you to know that as she you too cannot be moved. Maya  A has the 1 teaspoon of vanilla bean but before she adds her ingredient she wants to tell you about a Caged bird that could sing. When you feel like you’ve had a long day, get naked, grab a tambourine and dance til you cant dance no mo….for you are indeed free.  Dried Ginger anyone!---yells Harriett has she moseys her way in front  of you with her 1 teaspoon. She looks you in the eyes and shares your passion for leading young girls who may be mentally, physically, spiritually enslaved to freedom through informing them that they have options and being an example of someone who rose! One ingredient left…. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh no no, 3 tablespoons of sugar, I wonder who will complete this mix? Your humility and love for family she admires and wants you to know that you are more than what people or even you think of you. You are a polished diamond awaiting to be displayed she says. She adds the sugar and calls it Knowles if you nasty! Yes, the last ingredient has been added but you have one guest of honor. She is your most prized person and you love her more than all the rest. You value her strength, the favor over her life, her kind heart, her perseverance…her wonder, her phenomenon, you have been able to touch, see, feel the miracle. Your eyes have been set to see the best in her and its because you represent her best.  She approaches you with a spoon to stir all the ingredients and ends will a smile (without her false teeth) saying “I am very proud of you---enjoy this vanilla chai tea on me”.  As you sip, you reflect, and thank God for who he has made you. You thank him for the past, present, and the future. Your heart is at a lost for words because greatness surrounds you but you are humbled because the same greatness you admire lies within. Happy Birthday to the most multi-faceted person I know. I love her. She is my sister J.

Pastor Appreciation Month

So I heard October was Pastor Appreciation Month…!

I know most people would venture to say that they have the best Pastor in the world. Well today in honor of the month set aside to show appreciation I will join the bandwagon and lift my voting paddle to nominate my dad as the best Pastor. In a world that is bombarded with controversy, schemes, scandal, indignity, disgrace, shame, dishonor, outrage, mortification, embarrassment, humiliation…surrounding men, I am obligated to not only shed light on those unfortunate experiences but to declare that God has favored me so by giving me beauty for ashes.  Beauty for Ashes is a scripture that describes the promise of emotional healing. Many people seem to have it all together outwardly, but inside they are a wreck. Their past has broken, crushed, and wounded them inwardly. They can be healed. God has a plan, and Isaiah 61 reveals that the Lord came to heal the brokenhearted. He wants to heal victims of abuse and emotional wounding.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.

So what does this have to do with Pastor Appreciation...?

The beauty of having a Pastor is that God has equipped them with a multi-level ministry of compassion. They are able to deal with, address, and assist with mending the most complex of situations in the spirit of holiness. People come to their ministries on the brink of giving up, purposeless, filled with anger and uncertainty, yet with a level of desperation as their souls plead for a new life experience. No, I didn’t come to Maranatha with a drug/alcohol addiction, a felony conviction, a record of promiscuity…I came with a bag of ashes. For fear of my bag being identified and me being judged I began to eat these Ashes, causing me to relive each experience all over again.  Ashes are not at all meant for human consumption and as a result I began to experience an internal bleeding. The thoughts/dreams, physical fatigue, anxiety, worthlessness were all beginning to choke the very life out of my soul. BUT GOD!!!....Put a Shepherd over my soul and as a result I am in active recovery.

How blessed I am to now have him in a twofold capacity…not only as by Bishop/Pastor but as my Dad! Ive never heard of someone being adopted as an adult but God knew and made spiritual provisions for me to be the exception to the rule.  Thank you Dad for ministering emotional healing to me through the word of God even when at times it may have seemed the seeds were not falling on good ground. Thank you for your open door policy of allowing me to shout, scream, cry, and curse every experience out. Thank you Dad for modeling Christ through your compassion, patience, & love. Because of your steadfast commitment my life will never be the same. I can now sit back and gleam and tell God I want my husband to be just like my Dad! This may not mean much to most but for someone whose biological dad was absent, a step-father who was abusive, uncles and cousins who were filled with schemes while neighbors/strangers were scandalous, I never desired a husband or children. The thought of trusting, loving, sharing with someone outside of my siblings has not always been my reality but I am so blessed that my reality has been re-written. As I sit back and look upon my own brother, I am amazed and thank God for his protection and guidance as he is molding him to be all that I could have ever hoped and prayed for. The curse has been broken---Glory Be! Thank you Dad for standing in the gap and demanding that satans hold on my family unit be loosed and the blessings of God be released---AND IT IS SO!

To my Pastor/Bishop/Dad…I want you to know today that you made a difference and as a result I can testify to the following:

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.

So I heard October was Pastor Appreciation Month…!

Ebony Duncan

Interview

Guest Blogger: Ebony Duncan Wednesday WELLness

Wednesdays WELL

I am absolutely feeling myself this morning as I rock my nylon dark purple shirt with a nice elegant 80s style bow tied at the neck drooping over the light purple button down sweater I have used for extra layering, formal appeal, and color contrast. Moving further down I have on a black pencil skirt, beige pep toe shoes, oversized pearl earrings and a pearl bracelet. As I sit at my desk at work patiently waiting to enter into a room of my colleagues with the intent of demonstrating my potential to become the next Director of Case Management, I cant help but look in the mirror and say “Look at God”! Although I would be misleading not to admit there is a level of anxiousness that comes along with this process there is a greater level of peace that surrounds me knowing that what is for me is absolutely for me. I am humbled to be given the opportunity to interview as a second round contender for such a position while smiling realizing I have earned the right to be here. I am feeling blessed just to be a part of the process as I know the best is yet to come for me. Whether this is the position for me or another door will swing open I know that the process alone has sparked a fire that no man can put out. The fact that I am taking such a risk with integrity and confidence allows me to step in front of myself and bow as I have come such a mighty long way. From a humble beginning, filled with internal uncertainty I am in awe at the young woman that stands before you today. She has came through many weathered seasons of tears, pain, confusion and anguish but….Look at God! My head is held a little higher, My back is a little straighter, presence is commanded by my stride, while my smile can warm the most hardest heart. This process of proving myself has allowed the people I love to remind me of the greatness that lies within. Oh what a team of warriors that I have on my side. God, I thank you for them! From prayers, to words of adoration, and gestures that have truly warmed my heart. I am a woman phenomenally, phenomenal woman, that’s me!  

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

When a womans fed up...

Guest blogger: Ebony Duncan; Wednesday WELLness

When a womans fed up…

I am compelled to ponder on the strength of a woman this morning. The strength that flows from her shoulders and back, the love that flows from her lips and hands as she gives you the best part of her. Her loyalty and commitment is incomparable as she loses herself in your dreams, aspirations, wants, and needs. She is indeed the giver of life, the restorer of what has been destroyed, and the fixer of the broken, the addition to all that may have been lost. As I ponder on her strength this morning she reminds me of something like supernatural, extraordinary, yet simplicit and misunderstood. I am then forced to acknowledge that this very same woman is among the most broken, lost & stricken. How could this be you ask: she has lived vicariously through people and things and never learned to live through herself and her creator. You hear her say all the time: I am tired, when is my time, why do I feel used, who am I, why don’t they give me just a portion of what I have given, where has the time gone….

I among so many of my sisters am, have been, or will become this woman. I decree today that we embrace this ‘strength’ while learning how to operate this tool before we use it or give it away. We love naturally just as we walk naturally but you don’t see a toddler who is learning to walk successfully carrying another toddler, or theyd both fall. Point being, we must learn.  How do you learn? Im glad you asked! The best way to practice, become better, and eventually an expert is to use yourself. The same way you yearn to love others, love yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, buy yourself nice things, take yourself out on dates, spend time with yourself, support your own dreams… Now as this revelation rolls on to paper know that I am learning to make this a reality. With that said, I acknowledge this is not an easy task. Some seasons of it will be grueling as you will learn things about yourself that you never knew. This will be an intentional time of healing, revelation, and restoration. There will be moments of loneliness as you will crave, desire, yearn for others like a drug. During this season you will have to depend on a greater power to get you through. Don’t hesitate to establish a task force of friends or other believers to help you when you get weak in the knees. We deserve to be the best us we can be!

To the fatherless, abused, and misused I am here with you as we try to figure out how to utilize this tarnished heart while trying to love through it. I am with you as we try to pull a wagon load with a strength that has been broken. How grateful I am that we all get to a point when we feel that there is more that life can offer. When everyone is gone and the silence haunts us there is a still small voice that reminds us that we are a jewel to behold and we shall come forth. As we play with this idea of loving self while surrendering what has been, what is convenient, what we know, what we have been offered in this fall cuddle season, I demand that you be patient with yourself. Even as you read this, a deposit is being made. Every time you say…no more, im done, ive had enough---just to go back, know that deposits are being made. Giving much of yourself is an addiction and must be treated as such. Drug addicts give what they don’t have just to get something that never fully satisfies them! Sound familiar? If you acknowledge that something is off and something has to give, I salute you today! I applaud you as you begin to walk in a different direction even if you don’t feel like you are moving. Know that, a great virtue of love is patience, begin with yourself today. As you find your way, in your own way I pray that Gods grace be with you. I encourage you to create a safety plan. When I use to work with victims of domestic violence safety plans were created in the event that she chose to ‘really do it this time’. Those safety plans served as deposits as well J. Create a self love plan, so that when it’s your time you will be loaded with your ‘what to do now’. As you draft this, imagine yourself at that place of loving, living, and settling no more!

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Oh what a great change in me…

Guest Blogger: Ebony Duncan Wednesday WELLness

Oh what a great change in me…

Today I sit in amazement of what a miraculous transformation has taken place over my life just within the past year. I am no longer the same, I have changed. Sunday at church they conducted altar call for those needing a specific provision in which I did not all need but I went anyway. I gestured one of the younger prayer warriors to pray for me and as she asked what I needed I tried to make up something that went along with the message that was just rendered by Bishop and we both laughed. I then confessed that I didn’t really need anything I just didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to be prayed for. She proceeded to pray and the prayer was just confirmation that a great change had taken place and I was no longer needing a prayer to get me through but rather an opportunity to hear the admirations of the Lord and that made my heart glad. At that moment it had become apparent to me that this was indeed a new season and the season I had experienced before was no more and shall never be again! Why? Because a great change has taken place in me!

I cut my hair into a fade in the middle of winter Dec. 2011 each stage of hair growth reminds me of my declaration for new. As I embrace this kinky curly glory I embrace other aspects of my life. I am learning more about me in this season then I have in all the seasons of my life. Instead of crying at my mistakes, I laugh at the opportunity to make them. Instead of taking what I am given, I demand what I want. Instead of blaming, I own. Instead of wearing the cloak of shame/disappointment, I walk in pride and honor. My smile is no longer displayed out of habit, but there is a story behind each gappy space that I wear so proudly. I am learning each day to love me with an everlasting love. I will embrace this season as I know that there is a special grace over me as my flesh is in overdrive. I feel like a child that had been diagnosed with cancer and is now going through chemotherapy. Because of the diagnosis and the healing aftermath the parent showers the child with all the love and adoration as they let them get away with things that they normally would not but of course there will come a time when the child is healed and discipline will resume. With that said, thank you God the Father for my season of chemo!lol.

Each day brings a new experience, A new revelation, &  a new found love of self. Ive never had a love like this before and I am really all googly, moogly inside. With this new found love my nurturer instincts are really kicking in as I want to naturally give what I have: love. But I am demanding Mrs. June Cleaver to remain hidden for a little while longer as I continue to ride this ride of self discovery and love J.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

You are worth it

You are worth it

This morning on my way to work all I could hear was “You are worth it”.  You are worth whatever your wildest dream can conceive! You are worth a life filled with love, peace, joy, and health. You are worth relationships filled with respect, honor, and loyalty. You are worth a job that doesn’t require ‘work’ but a walk in true calling. Your worth spreads far beyond your past, your reputation, and your current circumstance. Your worth was birthed with you when you entered this world. It is not something that changes but it must be discovered and rediscovered again and again. Most of us are guilty of settling as we take on the opinions of others, make time our predictor, & follow stats/ trends. As you continue in this life there are moments when you feel something in your gut that screams “there is something better out here for me”, “I must go, I must move, I must explore”, “where I am now is not where I was called to be”….. as our worth nudges to be fed we smother her in fear of failing, being mocked, and causing our own heartbreak. Life can hurt you so that you feel an obligation to protect what you have left, but if I told you that there was more where that came from- would you believe me? Not only more but better!

 Lady worth is telling you that that person, thing, season that made you question your very existence is powerless and does not have the last say so! Sometimes those very things reveal what lady worth was trying to tell you all along: You are better, so much better! I encourage you to dream again, get lost in the fairytale pages of life again, let your imagination soar yet again. As you give yourself permission to believe yet again, my prayer is that a surge of courage will rise up and declare that because you are worth it you will no longer hold back but walk into every possibility knowing that you have the right to be there. There will be moments of uncertainty, rejections, and even nay sayers but when you have done all you can know that as you wear your worth cloak you will enter into a “right place, right time” location that will transform your life forever. Go with me sister, take my hand as I take yours because we will need each other to make a generation of women of worth. As we stand together, we are indeed a force to be reckoned with. Instead of allowing people, circumstances, and institutions to determine your worth, your worth alone will transform people, circumstances, and institutions alike.  I encourage you today to tell another sister: “You are worth it”-and watch her gleam (maybe even in confusement), as she will indeed know exactly what you are referring to and you will have no clue.lol

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Dig Deep and Discover

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony

Dig Deep and Discover

From age 5 til about age 15 most of us have been bombarded with the question: what do you want to be when you grown up? The latter years of high school most of us have a pretty good idea of “what we want to be” or at least decide to attend college or enlist in the armed forces to give us more time to figure things out. The pressure of figuring out what you want to be when you grow up consumes the minds and thoughts of people all around the world as their worth and ability to do well is wrapped up in what it is that they decide to do.  As life happens some of us forfeit ‘what we want to be’ for ‘what we have to be’ but the value placed on this decision can still become cumbersome.

Early on we place so much value on what a person does that as we grow into these roles it’s how we define ourselves; we so easily become what we do. While watching Oprah a questioned is posed: Who are you? This question is posed to a highly successful adult who in turn is unable to give an answer. When most people are asked ‘who they are’ they respond: I am a mother, a daughter, a teacher, a friend, a wife….. So then my question becomes: If your children die then who are you? If you lose your job then who are? How wonderful it is to carry such roles in this life but it is not in essence ‘who you are’.  Now, the good news is the roles that you have (if you are pleased with and function naturally in) can be a good indicator of who you are. Most of our roles reveal an inner characteristic about us anyway and we use those roles to drive home who we were meant to be all along.  So it is then safe to say that if our roles are removed then the person we are would remain and before we know it we will create another role in which we can function and release the inner enzymes of who we are. Moral: I do what I do because I am who I am. So then, who are you?

We wont argue whether ‘who you are’ is a nature vs. nurture concept but I believe we can all agree that it is a combination of both. With that said, ‘who you are’ can be different than ‘who you were’ or ‘who you will be’. What I want to encourage people to do is dig a little deeper and have the ability to describe who you are. As we make these declarations or dispel some of the not so good stuff, we can walk in a truth that will indeed set us free. As you experience freedom, you will then in turn have the ability to identify when ‘you’ are not ‘you’ and be able to get back on track. This is in fact a journey of personal discovery and no one can answer this question for you. When you determine ‘who you are’, you can then make decisions on what you will/wont do, where you will and wont go, who you will and who you wont. Some of us get lucky and what we do is a true reflection of who we are while some of us are just plain confused which causes unnecessary conflict in our lives.  Hint: who you are is not something that can be turned on and off but rather something that no matter what will peak its head up while screaming: LET ME OUT! For some of us pieces of who we are have been with us since before we can actually remember. It is the blanket that you have coddled and it is very evident as if attached to you like a limb. When trying to figure out ‘who you are’ I want you to start thinking about it as an adjective.

I will share examples of my own journey with you and hopefully this will help you as you discover self:

1.I am resilient….no matter what my circumstance or role is my resilience is evident. My ability to be resilient makes me a good social worker but I must remind myself that a social worker is not who I am rather  it is what I do. Who I am is resilient.

2. I am faithful…this about me reeks through my pores. Me being Ms. Faithful makes me a good friend and believer but those two are not who I am…..what I am is faithful.

3.I am old-fashioned/semi- conservative…I am made fun of all the time for being well beyond my years and for some of my quirky values but hey what can I say, its who I am.lol.

Dig deep and discover! I don’t care if you are fierce, fat, and funny or  grumpy, clumsy, and noisy or even jealous, jazzy, and just. Dig Deep and Discover!

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

If I only had one wish...

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony

If I only had one wish…

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. If I had one wish I would wish for the will to wish. I would wish for the innocence of a child that sits on her knees at night with folded fist praying & wishing. She squeezes her eyes tightly pleading for her desire to come to pass as her dad stands near the door spying upon her request eager to make her wish come true. I want to wish with confidence and expectation, with intention and preparation, with assuredness that my father is standing at my bedroom door waiting eagerly to make my wish come true. Ridding myself of all doubt and debate as I wish like Ive never had a promise broken. Each wish would be like the first with much passion and zeal believing that my wishing alone made me worthy of seeing it come to pass.

Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky. If I only had one wish I would wish for the will to wish. I would wish that I would be like a child watching a fairytale excited and thrilled with no knowledge that what she is watching may not be real. An unadulterated heart believing all things are possible to him that believe. I wanna wish, wish, & wish with an open heart and mind ready to receive that which I asked. I wanna wish, wish, & wish with a hope and a dream of someone with no limits/no boundaries. I want a soaring imagination that would allow me to wish for my hearts desire with specifics trimmed in gold.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are! If I only had one wish I would wish for the will to wish. I would wish for the ability to wish blindly with no facts or data just a wonder, leaving me wanting to explore every possibility imaginable. My only wish today is the ability to wish. So you ask me if I only had one wish I would wish for many wishes. As I boldly kneel down at my bedside knowing I have the right to be there I would wish that my wishing heart be returned to me. I am squeezing my eyes tightly now imagining myself wishing, praying, and hoping for my one wish….my wish for the will to wish. I know that if I am given this one wish I will dream dreams, see visions, make plans, and accomplish more than even my wildest wish could conjure. Yeah...my one and only wish would be for the will to wish. I want to believe again, I want to love limitlessly again, I want to wish upon a star yet again. I want to tell the little girl standing in the screen with her jumpsuit, clear jellies, and fresh beeded hair that your daddy is coming, HE is coming, HE has to come because he has your one wish….your wish for the will to wish. “Wish on daughter, Wish on”.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Potential

Wednesdays WELLness 

w/Guest Columnist Ebony

Possibly I am capable of becoming all that I can be so I remain camouflaged so that you can invest in me. Be careful cause with your caring heart you might not see that I am a mere possibility. I know you are a woman and you can see right through anything but I am begging you not to look too deep into me cause my surface is so very clear. I stand before you just as I am, please define me where I land and not where you hoped I’d be. Don’t be guilty of visualizing something in me that I myself never intend to see. Find balance in your spirituality as you glide on a wing and prayer; know that common sense will not fail you here.  I don’t mean to bust your bubble but I am not tangible, factual or actual; I can be likely, feasible, probable and maybe even promising. Look at my track record and don’t ignore my past results for what you see is what you get and what I’ve done is what I beget.  Ask yourself what have I produced, what have I made happen and ultimately what are my results. I know (and you know) that I have given you a 2 on a scale of 10 but because you have on permanent contact lenses that only allow you to see double digits you are deceived. I am not who you say I am, I am exactly who I have shown you I am. I am not proof in the pudding, I am not soaring above the clouds, I am not beating the bushes, I am not declaring my vision aloud.

Who am I you ask? I could be considered a dream deferred-a dream (a goal) never manifested, maybe, hmmm----I guess? Although the honorary Langston Hughes never answered the question as to what happens to a dream deferred as an honorary myself  *chuckle, chuckle*,  I could assume by the intensity and under sizing of the poem that the deferring process symbolizes an unclear postponing, perhaps a suspension of some sort or even something indefinite . So…”Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun”?--a raisin is already dry, and as a raisin, it is a good thing, useful and nutritious, but if a raisin is left in the sun to dry up, it becomes hard and impossible to eat; its value sucked out, it no longer serves its useful, nutritional purpose. Whatever the reason I am not able to produce can be argued from many angles but the fact that I am not producing is very evident. Do not try to make me something I am not, Do not write a script for me that I cannot perform, Do not put me in a race I never intend to win. So are you still wondering who I am….well I am so glad you asked for I am the infamous: POTENTIAL. The only thing that can move me from POTENTAL (a buried excellence or ability that may or may not be developed) is Me….<coupled with my ability/willingness to tap into a higher source> but the point is its not You. When I show you who I am please believe me.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Fighting for the Gold

Wednesdays WELLness

Fighting for the Gold

Ever felt like your ability to overcome is more than about your personal victory? As I sit and watch the Olympics I cant help but to sit in amazement as the performers are fighting for the Gold that will allow themselves, their families, their fans, their loved ones, and their country to celebrate. Their personal victory becomes a universal win! Now, of course most of us may never experience the opportunity to represent our country but if we sit back and observe our own journeys we do represent something greater than ourselves. As we fight the good fight we may notice an increase in pain, distress, heartache and trouble but I must remind us that this is strengthening us so that we may win the Gold! I know we hear the clichés that trials comes to make us strong and we grit in resentment at having to be pushed to our limit as if we haven’t proven the toughness of our skin already but I must remind us the greater the call the greater the fight. Most of us are in basic training for the ultimate battle that must be won. This battle will change the course of your family, your community, your church, your job, your nation, or even just the little girl watching you wanting to know if freedom is yet still available.

I was joking with my Monday night bible study class about my patient wait for my “Barack”.  Shortly after I was reminded by the spirit that Michelle did not meet “Barack” but due to the fruits of her labor she can now enjoy the “Barack” some us have grown to adore and love.  Moral: if we stay in the fight, the thing that looked shabby and bleak before will mold into the greatest blessing we have ever received. We must learn not to despise humble beginnings but embrace them with love and walk in them with integrity. 

Is it easy? No. Can we do it? Yes we can. Don’t be surprised when you experience enemies of all kinds. What victory do you know has been won without the interference of an adversary?! Spend much time in prayer and meditation so that you are aware when the adversary is present and you can receive your personalized divinely given way to respond. Do not take it personal…you are just a target as a result of the victory that lies within. Count it an honor as you hold the secret that will break many free as you learn to free yourself. Be patient with yourself…this is a journey, do not despise the process as it is all a part of your story. We have read many stories of women in personal battles and their journeys to triumph and one day someone will ready yours. For most of us its just the beginning, your story is still writing itself and as it blesses you with each page you turn know that one day your fight for the Gold will allow some other little girl to hold your medal high and say “We did it”!

I am fighting for my life as I rummage through my past, tip toe in my present, and run from my future. I shall fight without fear knowing I am justified and  qualified to be here, to stand here, to live here, to love here, to win right here where I stand! My enemy does not stand a chance! I am going for the Gold!

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

happy birthday ME

Wednsesdays WELL

When I think back over my life I can attest that I am stronger, I am wiser, I am better; so much better. I have my life, I have my health, and I have my strength…don’t mean to sound like a church mother but this indeed has become my testimony of truth.

I have my life---sounds like a right given to most of us each day and with that sometimes comes a feeling of entitlement and lack of appreciation. No I don’t have a testimony of being resuscitated, dodging a flying bullet, or walking away from a car wreck. But what I do have, I freely share: Sometimes this thing we called life can rob you of your will to live. Every morning you wake you feel like you are being held at gun point but the person on the other end just wont pull the trigger. You battle thoughts of dying and wait for the moment life brings it to fruition so that you can know what it feels like to just exhale. With that comes no real drive just survival to get through the very day you wished never came. But today, I have learned to remove the bullets from the gun that I felt held me hostage. The gun of life may still be there but with no bullets it can do me no harm. As it clicks away with no ammunition, wishing it had killed me before I am learning to live my life to fullness thereof taking it one day at a time reminding myself that I am indeed fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have my health---As walk in new life I have taken on a new appreciation and concern for my overall health; whether physical, mental, or emotional. I am learning to pay attention to what my body is telling me and responding with love and patience. There was a time that I had no idea of the dynamics of my body and was not concerned with this shell that I have been blessed with. But today, I have to remain humble as vanity constantly knocks and the door wanting to befriend me. I have a new appreciation for me and as I discover new and awkward things I smile and embrace them as I have to teach myself to love the skin I’m in. Cause EvenEbonys Black is beautifulJ.

I have my strength---If you convince me I am weak then you can convince me of anything. I am so grateful today that I have been made aware of my worth and my ability to soar. The gift of girding myself up can now be used to bless me instead of give me permission to settle. Oh the blood that runs through my veins runs deep and there is so much to give, to share, to tell, to show. My mind has been renewed with a new truth and because of that I am stronger X 10 with no sweat from the brow. I can look in the mirror and tell that girl that she has and she shall make it. No, life has not been no crystal stair but the shoes that I wear allow me to weather it; today I thank God for my shoes.

As I sit here and write I laugh because I have become the women behind the pages that I envied before. I use to read about so many women who were able to rise up and become more than what life offered her. Sexually Abused Women becoming Virtuous Wives, Women of Poverty becoming CEOS, Uneducated women teaching the World, Women hurt, wounded & distressed learning to live and love again. Women with life, health, and strength! I read about her and became angered because there was no way she was anything like me. I believed her story was different and that she hadn’t a clue what it was like to walk in my shoes. How dare she write as if one day it all just disappeared and one day she became better! Now I know what its like to be her. Words cannot do my journey any justice. I can share bits and pieces of my story and offer self help strategies but words will do it no justice. Just as they, my  wish now lies that if you read this as a women or girl who has lost hope that by faith you receive my words that: ALL IS WELL. I am you, you will one day be me, and I will one day be her. We are all on a journey of self discovery and my prayer is that as we reach a milestone that we share so that a deposit may be made in the life of a woman who is in the valley needing a word that will change her life forever. Well my sistah…this is your word. Tomorrow will not be like today! Just like me, if you hold on and surround yourself with people who want the best for you, you SHALL become stronger, wiser, better; so much better.

 SN: Today is my birthday, and I am turning the ripe old age of 29. I wonder what my last year in my 20s will offer me? I have an idea but we shall see….ha ha. Must I remind the Lord that I have enjoyed my educational journey of degrees and accolades, have even enjoyed rearing my siblings, my walk with Thee has been quite a blessing but uh by age 35 I will be considered high risk and I must be married a few years before warming up the oven….so with that said if it be your will I think any day now would suffice.lol.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony