Waiting to Exhale

Hi, My name is Ebony Jean Duncan and I am a child of a recovering addict.

The news of Miss Whitney Houston was devastating on multiple accounts. Devastation to the music business, devastation to the black community, devastation to the female race, devastation to current and recovering addicts, devastation to the family, and devastation to her Child.

My decree for Miss Bobbi Christina is that she will continue to fight the battle towards her own freedom. That she will not accept the nurture or nature that has been set before her. That she will allow healing to take its course and that she will become better because of it. That she will re-define herself, her existence, her past, and even the future that has been predicted for her. Oh Miss Bobbi Christina, that you may become whole, fulfilled, happy, peaceful, prosperous, and great in your own right! May you fight the demons that have plagued you and will continue to attempt to choke the very life out of you. May you reach out and grab the blessings that are available to EVEN YOU and counteract every curse lurking to destroy you. I declare that you FIGHT!

So many times, as a child of an addict you become weary as a result of having to fight way before you even learn to stand. Not only having to fight for yourself but for the addict themselves. When presented with the opportunity to fight for your own freedom you feel as if there is no more fight left. The idea of fighting causes great anxiety as your fighting thus far as rendered no results. Who wants to fight a loosing battle!? I pray that a "second wind" comes that will give her the push she needs to continue fighting. That this fight will produce life and expectancy of great things to come. God blew breathe in you before and I declare that he do it again....Lord give her a second wind!Oh that the right people will be in her corner cheering her on as she will see dark days of gloom and hopelessness. That she will be patient with herself and take as many water breaks needed while deciding how to fight...the fight of her life. May she find faith in knowing that God himself will honor her steps and show her the grace, mercy, and the favor needed to be a part of the winning side. Oh, my dear that your latter will be greater than your past! What does it mean to win?! It simply means to never stop fighting and along the way many blessings will be revealed that will make the fight worthwhile. If you take my fight, then you have taken my life. Fight Christina Fight!!!! For you shall live, and not die!

This fight wont require the strength that you are use to having, but this fight requires hope that better days are ahead:). The weapons used to protect, shield, and cope during the roller coaster life of having a parent addict wont stand a chance in this fight. This fight will take surrender, vulnerability, and help from those around you. I am not asking you to be strong, I am asking you to hold on until you are strengthened. No longer do you have to be the strong one, the one that has it together, the one that doesnt feel but does, the one that smiles when your heart is filled with tears, the one that  makes "it" work, the one that fixes whats broke, the one that exists but never learns to live.


Lord restore the innocence of her youth. Give her a Second Wind....TO LIVE...... (again).

Waiting to Exhale.

As you do it for me, her, and so many others I say THANK YOU, believing that the battle is already won.

Hi, My name is Ebony Jean Duncan and I am a child of a recovering addict.

Dear Mama...

As I think back over my life I cant help but to reminisce on the woman that I have spent so many years resenting for not being what I thought I needed her to be and blaming for not being available when i needed her most. It is amazing what a renewed mind and heart can produce. I sit here today with a different perspective and even though my invisible wounds allow me to remember the haunts of my past, the bitterness is becoming a distant memory for me (and for that I am extremely grateful).

When I think of you now, I am not overtaken by thoughts of abuse, neglect, absence, failure, addiction, poverty and the like. I am sure I will never forget them, but oh what a blessing it is not to be overtaken.

Although I have had my fair share of bad memories. Today I want to share the ones that bring a smile to my face.

Dear mama,

-Do you remember taking me over sweet meats house to get my hair french braided and bedazzled in beds? Boy did a have a lot of long beautiful thick hair!What kinda name is sweet meat anyway?!lol

-As I got older, do you remember taking me and ivory to Sylvias to get our hair done? My finger waves on top with the long tail in the back and ivorys fresh popcorn scrunchies was a force to be reckoned with.lol. All that black pro-style gel should of been against the law. We musnt forget that her house always smelled like weed. After we got our whips done you would send us home so yall could "keep the party going".lol.

-Do you remember everytime you got paid we would come home from school and smell shrimp boiling and you would only give us a small portion as you demolished the rest of the pot?

-Do you remember buying me a mickeymouse ring from the Landing Mall for my birthday? Mickeymouse was my adolescent trademark so that meant the world to me!

-Do you remember taking us to Texas Toms and I would eat hamburgers bigger than my head?

-Do you remember buying those stretch pants and t-shirts from JMart and rocking them like it was the next best thing since sliced bread?

-Do you remember having dance contests on the back porch with vernice and nem?

-Do you remember buying us fireworks and fourth of July outfits?

...........

Through the bad and the ugly I always admired how a poor, uneducated, wounded mother on welfare made it a point to never physically walk away from her kids and allow the system to take over. Thank You for breaking the adoption curse from over our lives :). You did the best you could with what you had and I bow in reverence to you. Bet you didnt know it, but you my dear....are my Queen, and the day has come for me to bestow upon you the cloak of forgiveness and speak nothing but manifold blessing on your life! May the lord restore ALL that was lost!!!!


Ok..so everyone knows that Tupac was my husband growing up so here it goes: (Now to make it fun you gotta promise me youll rap along..ready ....set ....GO!!!!



"Dear Mama"

You are appreciated

[Verse One: 2Pac]

When I was young me and my mama had beef
Seventeen years old kicked out on the streets
Though back at the time, I never thought I'd see her face
Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's placeSuspended from school; and scared to go home, I was a fool
with the big boys, breakin all the rules
I shed tears with my baby sister
Over the years we was poorer than the other little kids
And even though we had different daddy's, the same drama
When things went wrong we'd blame mamaI reminice on the stress I caused, it was hell
Huggin on my mama from a jail cell
And who'd think in elementary?
Heeey! I see the penitentiary, one day
And runnin from the police, that's right
Mama catch me, put a whoopin to my backside
And even as a crack fiend, mama
You always was a black queen, mama
I finally understandfor a woman it ain't easy tryin to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother on welfare, tell me how ya did it
There's no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated[Chorus: Reggie Green & "Sweet Franklin" w/ 2Pac]

Lady...
Don't cha know we love ya? Sweet lady
Dear mama
Place no one above ya, sweet lady
You are appreciated
Don't cha know we love ya?[second and third chorus, "And dear mama" instead of "Dear mama"]

[Verse Two: 2Pac]

Now ain't nobody tell us it was fair
No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't thereHe passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless, but all along
I was lookin for a father he was gone
I hung around with the Thugs, and even though they sold drugs
They showed a young brother love
I moved out and started really hangin
I needed money of my own so I started slangin
I ain't guilty cause, even though I sell rocks
It feels good puttin money in your mailbox
I love payin rent when the rent's due
I hope ya got the diamond necklace that I sent to you
Cause when I was low you was there for me
And never left me alone because you cared for me
And I could see you comin home after work late
You're in the kitchen tryin to fix us a hot plate
Ya just workin with the scraps you was given
And mama made miracles every Thanksgivin
But now the road got rough, you're aloneYou're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated[Chorus]

[Verse Three: 2Pac]

Pour out some liquor and I reminsce, cause through the drama
I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus
When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for meAnd even though I act craaazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feelYou never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day
Everything will be alright if ya hold on
It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated[Chorus]

Sweet lady
And dear mama

Dear mama
Lady [3X]