Daddy can you hear me?

Wednesdays WELLness

Daddy can you hear me?

I am nearly 30yrs old looking for a knee strong enough to bounce me. Bounce me, sing to me, and tell me how pretty I am. Tell me what a wonderful future lays ahead for your little girl. Tell me the secrets to friendships, relationships, and work affairs.  Tell me that theres no one like me, I am special, I am unique, I am a force to be reckoned with. Tell me I don’t have to compromise or settle but that I deserve the very best. Tell me that I have access to all the world offers and no good thing can be withheld from me. Tell me I am smart. Tell me I am talented and gifted. Tell me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Tell me whosoever I allow in my circle is blessed because of it. Tell ME. Tell ME. Tell Me….Tell me I am loved.

Its been said that this is the season for LOVE. The season for proposals, weddings, vow renewals and new found adorations. With that comes the importance of insuring that one does not loose herself in the process. It is easy to become so in gulped in a new experience, a new feeling, a new person, while neglecting the very thing that kept you balanced to begin with….”YOU”. As you spend time with that special someone insure that you take the time to spend time with self: to reflect, to replenish, to evaluate, to celebrate, to laugh, to cry, to explore new feelings while identifying old ones, to remind yourself that you are the best thing that has ever happened to you. Thank God for giving you….YOU. Explore the person He has created, molded, set-apart for such a time as this. Listen to what your heart and mind is saying while being sensitive to your spirit. Don’t let the business of the day catch you slipping into a thoughtless routine….be sure to remain intentional and aware. You are gift, wrapped up so pretty with a nice little bow. There are many great things wrapped up inside. As you become vulnerable for love in this season and that lucky person learns what a prize you truly are be sure you are not surprised at what they find….as you should already know its there. Be sure they are affirming and confirming you and not solely providing you with something that if they were to walk away…you have nothing. May sure….you at least still have you! The relationship can only be as good to you as you are to yourself. So many times we hear people say that they lost themselves in the midst of it all. In any severed relationship you will lose some things but “yourself “should be the very last thing to go. Yes, you will knock some of the “I will nevers”, off your list. Yes, you will find yourself being dumb for love. Yes, you will have some regrets, doubts, and uncertainties. But with each learning experience continue to love and embrace the skin that you are in and make the necessary deposits to insure you are enjoying the ride J.

As an adult fatherless woman, you cant help but reflect on the absence of a man in your life as you open your heart to someone who makes you feel good. Factors concerning your ability/inability to be in a healthy relationship should be reflected upon during your quiet time. Not to be used as a crutch but to identify and appropriate so that healing may take place.

I am nearly 30yrs old looking for a knee strong enough to bounce me. Bounce me, sing to me, and tell me how pretty I am. Tell me what a wonderful future lays ahead for your little girl. Tell me the secrets to friendships, relationships, and work affairs.  Tell me that theres no one like me, I am special, I am unique, I am a force to be reckoned with…..SO I SIT DOWN, CALL MYSELF OVER, SIT ME DOWN ON MY KNEE AND TELL ME: that theres no one like me, I am special, I am unique, I am a force to be reckoned with. I don’t have to compromise or settle but that I deserve the very best.  I have access to all the world offers and no good thing can be withheld from me. I am smart. I am talented and gifted. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Whosoever I allow in my circle is blessed because of it. Tell ME. Tell ME. Tell Me….I am indeed loved, by ME. As I sit on my knew I  chuckle and say: “Its always good to be able to carry your own weight”. I crack myself up sometimes…bwahhhaaa.

                I thank my sister for such a revelation and as you read this…I am learning to get back to me *wink*.

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Gone but not Forgotten

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony Duncan

You, they, it was here and now gone from my hands but I can’t seem to get you out of my head, out of my heart. Each day that passes I am reminded of the time spent, history shared, mistakes made, smiles, laughs, and even the tears shed. Some days I can fathom that with life comes death, while yet still contemplating why did you have to leave the way you left, the time you left, along with dealing with the circumstances after you left. I know that you are gone from my hands but I can’t get you out of my head, out of my heart. I am not the same, I am forever changed.

As we enter into Memorial Day weekend take time at the Well. Take time to draw from it what you need to get through another day without the physical presence of a loved one; one day at a time. Some may need to draw forgiveness while others may need to draw acceptance, joy, peace, contentment. During this season it will be important for you to talk about your experience whether with a friend, family member, or through prayer. As you reflect on old memories don’t fail to create new ones. Your loved one may be gone but the relationship is not over, it will just look different. The capacity of your interaction will change, the physical capacity of their response will not be available to you but as you continue to make them a part of your (temporary) physical life the feelings will indeed get sweeter as the days go on.

Today I stand with you as the heart grows weary, the tears are streaming, and the aches make it difficult to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t have a magic wand, neither do I have a quick fix, but what I do offer is encouragement to move beyond grief and begin to celebrate. Celebrate the life that they lived and Celebrate the life that you have left. As we are conscious of the momentary life we are all granted we should also take time out to cultivate current relationships and patch up sketchy ones so that we have no regrets. Give me my flowers now; while I can smell them!

Be encouraged dear hearts in this season as you are reminded of loved ones that are no longer here. I can hear your loved one saying “As you fire up the grills put on an extra rib (light on the sauce) for me. You know I won’t be there but the thought of the smile that it would put on my face will allow our hearts to grow fonder. Make T-Shirts with my face on them, but don’t use the picture that made me look 10lbs heavier. Visit me at my grave site and tell me of how well you are doing, what is troubling you, and how upset at God you are. No I won’t appear in the flesh but you know what I would say, you know how I would respond, and you know that I care. No, I am not among the living but we both know that as you live and grow I am there”.

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at WELLness Wednesdays----Signed, Miss Ebony

Act Like a Lady...Mend our Men

As promised my thoughts and theory on women acting like ladies, while thinking like men. I am a fan of Steve Harvey and I actually commend his effort in assisting women with getting on the "right foot" to improve their dating experiences. Dating can be a very tricky game of cat and mouse which causes me to resist the urge to think like a man. With all the dating literature out there, I must declare that there is no one size fit all concept. When you provide a 'rule book' for any population of people you run the risk of basic human relationships turning into a win/loose outcome. You begin to wire your mind and emotions to insure that you get them before they get you. Honestly, I am getting sick of the battle of the sexes culture among women and men anyway. We both have valuable roles to play without trying to figure out how to be two steps ahead of the other. While playing these childish 'I can do it better than you' dating games family units are suffering. Is it ok for a woman to act like a lady while thinking like a man...sure why not, if that is her true nature and will compliment her relationship. But the idea of a whole culture of women acting like ladies and thinking like men, is ludicrous (I still love you Steve)! No point intended, I am just not a big fan of ‘relational movements’ that cause either party to begin to sabotage the other.

So what would I like to see happen...Act like lady....Mend our Men. Women have become so bitter and discontent that having a guard up has caused them to be discontently alone.  We must be willing to heal the relationship between these two species. This will take someone willing to be open, and honest, and wear a cloak of compromise. Not settling....but compromise, as there is a major difference. In the midst of settling you lose who you are and compromise is being secure with who you are enough to give the stage to someone else. Oh that we may be behind the scenes building up our men so that when it’s show time we can pull back the curtains and allow him to shine. We have spent so much time priding ourselves on our ability to be both women and men at the same time that we have lost the connection to our better half. I am not saying get a man and turn him into your "project". But what I am saying is make healing deposits as you go along so that when your Boaz comes deposits would have been made and he will be willing and ready to give you all that you so rightfully deserve. As we make these deposits, we are building, and as we build they will stand and be prepared when the time is right to be a shade tree for that special lady. This is bigger than finding YOUR man, we must mend OUR men. As you do this, your sowing will not be in vain and while you are doing this your heart is being tenderized enough to receive him when he comes.

As ourselves become healed, when can make healing deposits through affirming, uplifting, encouraging...our men & when all comes full circle we can continue to Act like Ladies and let them Think like Men :).

Love yall!
~evenebony~

self care

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony Duncan

I feel at my best when I am able to give a portion of what has already been given to me by me. I have never been a fan of the “fake it, til you make it” concept. Living in an honest reality has been important for my healing. If you are not well, do not say you are well, do not put on a well smile, do not dress in well attire, but acknowledge that all is not well while planning your journey back to wellness. As women, we must learn how we are wired and what drives us. We have an innate desire to give of ourselves in many facets of life. Unfortunately some of us have circumstances, situations, misfortunes that have robbed us of ourselves leaving us feeling as if we have nothing to give, so we spend our lives trying to get back the very thing we lost. On the other hand, some of us find it to difficult to attempt to rebuild ourselves as the pain can sometimes be unbearable so we begin to take on “projects” to deter our focus and we find ourselves becoming enablers. We were meant to be balanced, whole, and content. As I sit back and consider my life's journey and witness that of others, I find two extremes…a woman so self absorbed and wounded that she feels she has nothing to give and a woman so self unaware and wounded that she gives what she does not have. My petition is that we together find balance in our union of sisterhood. Don’t fake it, but create it so that you can walk in it. So…how do you do this? We must first begin with self care. We must find ourselves important enough to make the necessary investments and deposits to create our best self. The “creation” process must be intentional. Do not waste time daydreaming of your best life but put the pen to the pad and execute---daily. As we learn to make deposits, we can then make withdraws and pay it forward. Your self-care should consist of you each day determining what you will do to add to yourself. This may be difficult at first but will have a very rewarding outcome. Each day wake up, write down what you will do to contribute to your overall wellness. It can be a hobby, a new venture, a concept, a commitment, silly, fun, serious, small, large….  The catch is that it must be done for you and for you alone---you are worth at least 5 minutes of solidarity within a 24 hour period but I encourage at least 30. Each week, I would encourage you to come up with something new to add to your regimen. Don’t get stuck reading a chapter in a book each day but add some variety as this will make your experience well rounded and worth the ride. Once you have successfully mastered your self -care plan you will then move into your natural element as a giver. So, within one 24 hour day period you will eventually render one self- care and one pay forward. Each day you will also then identify a person or gesture in which you will render to a second party. Again, there are no limitations or expectations but variety is key. It can be as simple as a sending a ‘thinking of you’ e-mail/ thank you card or as generous as paying for someone else’s meal wile dining. Do not pay it forward, if you have not paid it inward!!! Don’t bite off more than you can chew, start small and work yourself up to meet the needs of your predestined make-up. We truly do feel at our best when we are able to give a portion of what has already been given to us by us. I guarantee if you make this regimen work for you there will be no need to fake it, till you make it- You will be making it! Even on days that are not so good this deposit/withdraw, paying inward/forward concept will keep all things in perspective leaving you feeling grateful and lacking nothing. I would also encourage you to not only be intentional about your self care and paying it forward efforts but take the time to reflect in written form at the end of each day how significant each gesture played. This will help you find what you like, what you don’t like, what worked for you, what didn’t work for you. This is a constant building process and as we build we become better; when we become better we give better and when we give better the world is much better! I feel at my best when I am able to give a portion of what has already been given to me by me.

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at WELLness Wednesdays----Signed, Miss Ebony

Cannon

Hello People of Purpose! Here is my second entry posted on the Makings of Me site. As requested, I will be comitting to writing in my own blog more consistently to give my readers more of ME. Expect at least three entries per week (including my Wednesdays WELLness guest column). I am excited about you going on this journey with me and count it an honor that you chose to stop by. Tomorrow I will share my take on the "Act like a Lady think like a Man" theory. *wink*

Now for Wednesdays WELLness....

 

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony Duncan

When I began this journey I wasn’t sure of the outcome but my faith pushed me forward. I invested, planted, sowed, prayed, cried, laughed, and wished upon a star; surely this formula would render a result that my flesh could celebrate. Even at my greatest moments of doubt, I declared victory but it sought me not. The outcome felt like a cannon ball going a hundred miles per hour towards my gut.  BOOM! I fall…I lay there…I weep…I question…I reason…I then get up. Today, I am walking, I am talking, I am laughing, I am playing, I am here but I am not producing. I settled for just getting up. I now know how to get up, dust myself off, and keep walking, talking, playing, and laughing but something is yet missing. I am walking in my red bottom pumps, talking my collegiate talk, playing in the sand of life, and laughing with the most noble, while wearing a cloak of DISAPPOINTMENT. That cannon, that cannon hit me where it hurt-my gut. I am a woman; I carry life in by belly! That blow caused me to miscarry. Theres not a day that goes by that I don’t think of the promise I carried before that cannon came rushing my way. I have learned to live with the idea of never being pregnant again, never having that moment again, never experiencing that kind of love again, never giving birth again, never producing again. Don’t worry about me, I am fine! I live a life of contentment and don’t mind freezing time right here and being ok with what is and what was. But, I am a woman; I carry life in by belly! I can feel something kicking, something rising, something manifesting but I snuff it out and declare I will not experience that kind of pain again.

What journey were you on when your “cannon” came? As women, we learn to gird ourselves up and continue with business as usual while neglecting our ability to recreate. We give life! Because of us all things move and have their being. We cannot deny who we are. As we continue on this journey of life we will experience various blows causing us to lose our equilibrium, but I challenge us to move beyond walking, talking, playing, laughing…and live AGAIN. Make an ‘intentional’ effort to begin taking your prenatal vitamins because you WILL give birth again, and again, and again. Prenatal regiment:

1. Declare everyday in the mirror: I will not be bitter but better. Things don’t happen ‘to’ me but ‘for’ me. I am not finished giving life! I still must produce!

2. Self Care- restore yourself to your rightful thrown. Begin a new hobby/or resurrect and old one, seek wise counsel, meditate, exercise, journal what you are grateful for, make a vision board. etc This step must go beyond intention and become something tangible.

3. Give Life!- Take off the discouragement condom and take a love risk. How? Get out and get busy planting seeds of life and love in your “children” (your relationships, your home, your church, your community, your job…) We are at our best when we give of ourselves…it is indeed who we are. In the midst of us giving of ourselves we connect with a greater calling and feel at peace in the midst of it all.

Start at 1, end at 3 and start at 1 again 

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here.----Signed, Miss Ebony

WELL

As mentioned in my previous post, I was asked to be a weekly featured blogger on another site. What an honor! For your convenience I will post those entries here as well :). Below is the link that I will be featured through every Wednesday :). I have not forgotten about the other promised topics I will be posting about here at evenebony, so stay tuned.

http://www.makingsof-me.com/

 

 

Introducing featured weekly blogger Ebony Duncan with: Wednesdays WELLness

Introducing Makings of Me weekly blogger: Ebony Duncan with Wednesday WELLness. Her wisdom and writing is one to admire and soak up. Enjoy

Welcome to the first Well entry. As you visit here each Wednesday my hope is that you will come with an open basin ready for the filling. As I am open and honest with you regarding the betterment of your whole self, pray that I too visit the Well often for replenishment. I am on a journey of healing, forgiveness, restoration, and empowerment and as a part of this process it brings me Joy to share. Share with you revelations, dreams, epiphanies, conversations, thoughts, desires, struggles, encounters, and the like. Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here. Whether you find the Well on purpose or accident, I believe that there is something that will be said in good faith that will change your life forever. My life is being changed and I take on the responsibility of ‘metamorphasizing’ others along the way. I count it an honor and a privilege to journey with you on an exploration of Wellness. Together we will encounter Wellness at the Well. At the Well we will draw what is needed that we may go on another days journey. My hope is that you will be willing to feast at this table with me as we tackle some difficult subject matters. As we uncover, expose, and denounce living beneath our best self we give permission for our friends, familys, churchs, communities, race, and world to do the same. Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here. As you meet me here at Wednesdays WELLness you can expect to receive a word derived from 1 or more of the following concepts: Be well, Do well, and/or Give well. Meet me at Well on Wednesdays to discover how to be well (Healthy, Fine, Able-bodied, Glowing, Fit, Sound, Fighting Fit, Good Health…...) Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here.----

Signed, Miss Ebony