Gone but not Forgotten

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony Duncan

You, they, it was here and now gone from my hands but I can’t seem to get you out of my head, out of my heart. Each day that passes I am reminded of the time spent, history shared, mistakes made, smiles, laughs, and even the tears shed. Some days I can fathom that with life comes death, while yet still contemplating why did you have to leave the way you left, the time you left, along with dealing with the circumstances after you left. I know that you are gone from my hands but I can’t get you out of my head, out of my heart. I am not the same, I am forever changed.

As we enter into Memorial Day weekend take time at the Well. Take time to draw from it what you need to get through another day without the physical presence of a loved one; one day at a time. Some may need to draw forgiveness while others may need to draw acceptance, joy, peace, contentment. During this season it will be important for you to talk about your experience whether with a friend, family member, or through prayer. As you reflect on old memories don’t fail to create new ones. Your loved one may be gone but the relationship is not over, it will just look different. The capacity of your interaction will change, the physical capacity of their response will not be available to you but as you continue to make them a part of your (temporary) physical life the feelings will indeed get sweeter as the days go on.

Today I stand with you as the heart grows weary, the tears are streaming, and the aches make it difficult to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t have a magic wand, neither do I have a quick fix, but what I do offer is encouragement to move beyond grief and begin to celebrate. Celebrate the life that they lived and Celebrate the life that you have left. As we are conscious of the momentary life we are all granted we should also take time out to cultivate current relationships and patch up sketchy ones so that we have no regrets. Give me my flowers now; while I can smell them!

Be encouraged dear hearts in this season as you are reminded of loved ones that are no longer here. I can hear your loved one saying “As you fire up the grills put on an extra rib (light on the sauce) for me. You know I won’t be there but the thought of the smile that it would put on my face will allow our hearts to grow fonder. Make T-Shirts with my face on them, but don’t use the picture that made me look 10lbs heavier. Visit me at my grave site and tell me of how well you are doing, what is troubling you, and how upset at God you are. No I won’t appear in the flesh but you know what I would say, you know how I would respond, and you know that I care. No, I am not among the living but we both know that as you live and grow I am there”.

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at WELLness Wednesdays----Signed, Miss Ebony