self care

Wednesdays WELLness w/Guest Columnist Ebony Duncan

I feel at my best when I am able to give a portion of what has already been given to me by me. I have never been a fan of the “fake it, til you make it” concept. Living in an honest reality has been important for my healing. If you are not well, do not say you are well, do not put on a well smile, do not dress in well attire, but acknowledge that all is not well while planning your journey back to wellness. As women, we must learn how we are wired and what drives us. We have an innate desire to give of ourselves in many facets of life. Unfortunately some of us have circumstances, situations, misfortunes that have robbed us of ourselves leaving us feeling as if we have nothing to give, so we spend our lives trying to get back the very thing we lost. On the other hand, some of us find it to difficult to attempt to rebuild ourselves as the pain can sometimes be unbearable so we begin to take on “projects” to deter our focus and we find ourselves becoming enablers. We were meant to be balanced, whole, and content. As I sit back and consider my life's journey and witness that of others, I find two extremes…a woman so self absorbed and wounded that she feels she has nothing to give and a woman so self unaware and wounded that she gives what she does not have. My petition is that we together find balance in our union of sisterhood. Don’t fake it, but create it so that you can walk in it. So…how do you do this? We must first begin with self care. We must find ourselves important enough to make the necessary investments and deposits to create our best self. The “creation” process must be intentional. Do not waste time daydreaming of your best life but put the pen to the pad and execute---daily. As we learn to make deposits, we can then make withdraws and pay it forward. Your self-care should consist of you each day determining what you will do to add to yourself. This may be difficult at first but will have a very rewarding outcome. Each day wake up, write down what you will do to contribute to your overall wellness. It can be a hobby, a new venture, a concept, a commitment, silly, fun, serious, small, large….  The catch is that it must be done for you and for you alone---you are worth at least 5 minutes of solidarity within a 24 hour period but I encourage at least 30. Each week, I would encourage you to come up with something new to add to your regimen. Don’t get stuck reading a chapter in a book each day but add some variety as this will make your experience well rounded and worth the ride. Once you have successfully mastered your self -care plan you will then move into your natural element as a giver. So, within one 24 hour day period you will eventually render one self- care and one pay forward. Each day you will also then identify a person or gesture in which you will render to a second party. Again, there are no limitations or expectations but variety is key. It can be as simple as a sending a ‘thinking of you’ e-mail/ thank you card or as generous as paying for someone else’s meal wile dining. Do not pay it forward, if you have not paid it inward!!! Don’t bite off more than you can chew, start small and work yourself up to meet the needs of your predestined make-up. We truly do feel at our best when we are able to give a portion of what has already been given to us by us. I guarantee if you make this regimen work for you there will be no need to fake it, till you make it- You will be making it! Even on days that are not so good this deposit/withdraw, paying inward/forward concept will keep all things in perspective leaving you feeling grateful and lacking nothing. I would also encourage you to not only be intentional about your self care and paying it forward efforts but take the time to reflect in written form at the end of each day how significant each gesture played. This will help you find what you like, what you don’t like, what worked for you, what didn’t work for you. This is a constant building process and as we build we become better; when we become better we give better and when we give better the world is much better! I feel at my best when I am able to give a portion of what has already been given to me by me.

Until Next Time Ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at WELLness Wednesdays----Signed, Miss Ebony