Tis the Season...

During a time when families gather and the big elephant of secrets, wounds, pains, rejection, disappointments and the like smother the ability to Love, I declare Tis the Season.

As you travel back home where your past greets you at the door, and those you knew but don’t really know greet you with a cold hug, a fake smile, a hesitant glance and you wonder where the disconnection lied. You then realize there was never a connection, you just knew them during a season of survival as you planned your exit with dreams and hopes that finally came true. With no apologies of the new you, you greet them with a mixed emotion of anger due to the pain they’ve caused and are secretly still trying to cause & pity as you know what its like to be where they still are. You then gather yourself and gratefulness fills your heart as you are reminded that: NO WEAPON. Tis the Season my friend, Tis the Season.

Walmarts, KMarts, Kohls, Macys, Toys R US,…filled with moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpas looking for the perfect gesture to prove their love. Engagements, Announcements, Celebrations planned during a season where Love is in the air. Smiles, laughter, jingles, mistletoes; Oh how affection and adoration fills homes, communities, churchs, and hearts. Tis the Season. I know most people discourage getting caught up in gift giving, with good intent I acknowledge while I toast to our need to give. Jesus gave his life and though this cannot be compared to a wrapped box under a tree, the symbolism of sacrifice & personalized intent connects us to our Creator as we feel more like Him when we give.

I am displaced you say…I have made some choices that has caused me to be separate from my family, I look around and I am among strangers but I am grateful that I at least have somewhere to lay my head. The staff here have tried to create an atmosphere of family and the churchs come to provide us with gifts and food so that we don’t feel forgotten. My faith is rocky yet I am able to pull from what I have left to keep me going. I am grateful yet discouraged, I am content yet dissatisfied, I am here yet I feel absent. I am a part of a community of people who live in shelters and depend on soup kitchens to make this season bright. Despite my current circumstance I can still muster: Tis the Season.

Oh how I wish this time of the year would pass me as things are not the same with you being gone. As I look upon others celebrating I only have memories to comfort me. Survivors guilt makes it difficult for me to enjoy the moment yet I know its what you would of wanted. My tears are many and the weights on my heart have become heavier. My heart grows wearier while I am still able to recognize: Tis the Season.

This time of year brings all things into perspective as we celebrate the birth of Christ and close out the year. As the world is lite up, choirs are singing, and our heads are encouraging our hearts to be jolly, we are all connecting and the atmosphere is shifting as we are all unconsciously on one accord. There is no amount of evil that can exceed the amount of Love that is in the air. As we experience crisis in our country and in our personal lives may the spirit of Love guide us until we find our way to declare: Tis the season. Declare!!!---Tis the season dear hearts, Tis the season.

Single&30

Hey Girlies…

So, I am single and 30.----sorry, just had to get that out as it seems to be the reality that I snuggle with at night and wake up to kiss before I leave for work in the morning. If one more person asks me when I’m going to have children I just might scream! Whatever your social status is whether single, married, divorced, or widowed, I encourage every woman to ‘know herself’. It is never too late to explore who you are and what you want. I know this concept can sometimes seem cliché but when put into action it produces great results. We should all be adamant about sitting still with a pen and a pad and asking ourselves where was  I, where am I and where do I want to be? From there we can begin to conceptualize what it will take to continue a progress of forward movement. Forward movement doesn’t always result in ‘bigger & better’ but is determined by your willingness to stay in the race. In order to stay in the race you have to have a game plan! They moment we stop believing, dreaming, planning & evaluating is the moment we decide to cease to live among the living and choose to live among the deceased. If you are alive, you might as well live J.

So, I am single and 30. I went to a marriage enrichment class at my church last night and it was a very insightful experience. A question was posed to the couples if they knew the top 5 things that made their partner happy. The shuffles in the room implied that this would soon turn into a guessing game-I’m sure some of the couples were hoping for a few lifelines to get them through this awkward moment of silence. So…why was I in the marriage enrichment class? Well…I guess to find out how to enrich my marriage.lol. I kinda think of it this way…I didn’t prepare for college once I got there but chose to prepare once I decided that college was for me. You get the point…ironically as anxious as I am as a single person, I am just as uneasy about declaring that I want to be married. Anywhoo…the question was posed and I began to think: how can someone seek happiness from another when they aren’t able to even identify what makes them happy. As a teacher by nature, I became my own student and gave myself an assignment. Ebony, name the top five things that make you happy? Now, if you are interested in knowing my answers read below. If not, my inspiration stops here and I encourage you to take on this assignment for yourself. If you have a partner I encourage you to test them and share your answers. If you are single, I encourage you to spend time doing those very things you’ve listed as you are your greatest investment. Once you marry and have children, your investments become scattered but you must not forget to put money  back in the investors’ pocket. I learned that Marriage is a selfless act that takes time, commitment, give and take, and lots of love. I came to conclusion that being single should to be a selfless act that takes time, commitment, give and take, and lots of love. If you can SUCCESSFULLY be single, you can SUCCESSFULLY be married. Both are relationships that must be intentionally cultivated. Marriage is an institution created by God to bless the individual, the unit, the home, the community, the church, and the world. Two SUCCESSFUL people coming together to partake in a lifetime of sharing.

Top five things that make me happy:

1.My relationship with the Most High makes me happy…the excitement that takes place within me when I hear his voice is priceless. The connection I feel when I am in His presence makes life sweeter. The love, forgiveness, grace, and mercy that He freely gives me keeps all things in perspective. This is where I am most grounded, feel the most secure, and have the most fun. This by far makes me the happiest girl ever! Through the cultivation of this relationship I went from being a sad creature to a happy creature…and I am oh so glad about it! I have changed. I am no longer the same.

2. My siblings make me happy…I cant thing of any other persons in the whole wide world that bring the best and worst out of me. I would lay my life down for them…and the thought of this makes me happy. I am connected to them in a special kind of way…to see them happy brings my heart joy and I can truly reside in their happiness alone. I am content knowing they are well. To sacrifice for them is my hearts desire. To give of myself to their cause completes me. These are the first set of children that the Lord gave me and I love them just the same. I love them soo much that I must be careful not to become their god or allow them to become mine. I have to continuously humble myself and let God have his perfect work. But He loves me so much He gives me enough leverage to ensure I am well for He knows they are indeed my heartbeat.

3. I love to consult & create. To formally listen to peoples dreams and visions and to create a plan MAKES ME HAPPY. I haven’t quite came up with a term for this niche but I know that I can spend hours upon hours doing it. When its someones birthday and I know them well enough to put together a sentimental package that speaks to them makes my baby jump. I get very upset if im not able to do it to perfection. If someone wants to start a business and needs help with business cards, a mission….I will stay up really late to produce something they can run with. If someone wants to throw a celebration party I get excited about the theme, the trinkets, the settings….just all of it! I am all about presentation from decorating a room to a dinner table, from making a flyer to writing a proposal…etc. This makes me happy!

4. Teaching makes me happy. Although I am a social worker and listening, empathizing, and referring clients is what I generally do, my ability to use this platform for many teachable moments makes me the most happiest. When I receive or learn a new concept I am overly eager to share it with someone…with my own presentation twist of course. To engage an audience around shared concerns and values makes me oh so happy! As a student I am overly critical when people are presenting and I come up with ways I can definitely do it better. By the same token, when someone does well… I am excited for them! When people ‘get it’ I am delighted. When people express that my words changed their outlook…I am ecstatic. To take the time to show someone the way and give them the tools to make their own way is truly the air that I breathe. Teaching makes me Happy…from the preparation/planning, the classroom set-up, engaging my students, and evaluating my effectiveness, this all makes me HAPPY!

5. Giving makes me happy!!!!! I loooovvvveeee to give! Gift giving is one of my most favoritest things to do! I am an attention to detail person. I love to watch people and look for opportunities to bless them. From a bike under a Christmas tree to paying someones rent I long for the ability to go over and beyond in my giving. I always want more just so that I can give more. Growing up because there were so many broken promises and conditional gifts I became overly aggressive about my gift giving.lol. I want people to feel loved and appreciated and when they do….this makes me HAPPY. This is another one that I must be careful with to insure that I am not unconsciously seeking acknowledgement and love because I give, so I remain prayerful and make a deal with God that I want to be his little elf and give, give, give!

This assignment was very hard for me as I am not at all the boastful type for most people are only aware of what makes me happy by witnessing me in my element.  This assignment blessed me and by doing it I became more self aware and was able to affirm who I was with no apologies.

Whoever my husband is I believe that he will love and appreciate these things about me and if its meant to be I will be able to add him to my list of things that make me Happy without deleting any of the others. Hmmmm I guess  I could squeeze him in with the siblings as I hope to love him just as much as I love them!  J.

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness----Signed, Miss Ebony

Matters of the Heart

Wednesdays WELLness

Matters of the Heart

So many times as women we experience ‘matters of the heart’ that make us keep our behaviors a secret. We are afraid of being judged and troubled by the fact that what we are doing does not make a lot of logical sense yet it feeds the yearning and the nagging that we cannot seem to make go away. I think Im on drugs. The more my mind and some people tell me you are not whats best for me, the more I want to defend you, the more I want to defend me, the more I want to defend us; but I don’t because I don’t want to sound like a fool to them, and quite frankly I don’t want to sound like a fool to me. I said I would not take your call, and I did. I said I would cuss you out but I didn’t instead I wanted to pray for you. I said I will not write or visit you, but I want to. As my eyes are filled with tears, I truly want whats best for you. I want you to rise above every circumstance that has killed your dreams, stolen your freedom, and erased your hope. As I want all these things for you I cant help but become enraged that you are indeed the thief in which I speak of. You are standing looking down the barrel of the gun of your own self pulling the trigger. You are the green chalk board and the black eraser. I truly want whats best for you, honestly because I think that’s whats best for me. If you were at your best I would ride with you until the wheels fell off but because you are not I sit on the bus stop hoping that you will pull up with a new set of wheels, a new outlook, a new mission, a renewed belief. I wish there was a standard time frame for a women to determine when she should get off the bus stop and get her own wheels. I said I never wanted to be her. I don’t want to be her yet I have purchased another 30 day bus pass. I guess only time will tell what shall come of this. Only time will tell…but time please do tell. Speak loud enough that you pass through my mind and penetrate my heart cause that’s where the matter lies. Time waits for no one is what I heard so should I become friends with time and wait no more? Time today is my enemy as I ponder on how our timelines could not be further from different yet I subconsciously wait.  While my subconscious waits I will consciously move forward by continuing to learn how to love me more, communicate with my Father more, learn what is means to have fun, continue advancing my career, enjoying my family in a new way, & daydreaming about that talk dark and handsome that will rescue me…from you.lol. I don’t have an answer today ladies but today I give you a Matter of my Heart. The heart is the strongest muscle in ones body and mine is definitely getting some exercise. With that said, I am believing that this shall not kill me but will indeed build a strength that only experience can bring. I love yall & All is Well!

A true writer not only enjoys writing but they enjoy reading the writings of others and connecting with them. Below is a song about Matters of the Heart that made me scream----I concur, I concur!

Until next time Ladies,

Don’t drown in the Well.

Matters of the Heart Lyrics……

Waking up with my head in a cloud watching the morning come.  

Another day of the week in a month, in a year, in a life that's come undone.

 I might as well quit trying to get you off my mind

I might as well quit hoping that this heart will heal in time

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

Everyday there's another attempt to convince myself you're gone

Every night there's a promise I make that tomorrow I'll move on

 But there's a voice inside me that calls your name out loud

A part of me still hopes to see your face in every crowd

'Cause I can't burn a bridge that I'm still crossing And I can't lose a past that I'm still lost in

 I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart

I can tell myself it's over and I need a brand new start

 But there's no such thing as mind over matters of the heart