Virgin to the Mic

So....Monday I am contemplating signing up for Open Mic at Soul Sessions. I am waaaaaayyyy nervous. No promises but while thinking about it I wrote this quick thought referring to my first time.lol.

 

Virgin to the Mic 

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

Ive watched many do it and wondered how it felt

Watching makes me feel like an expert

Watching arouses me

Watching keeps me at the edge of my seat

Kinda like porn

I see you on stage but I imagine it was me

 

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

As I prep for my first time

I talk to my friends about how it might feel

Would it hurt

Should I go fast

Should I go slow

Will I do it right

Will I stumble with the mic in my hand

Will it be a natural fit or will I have to force it and pretend

 Will my first time consist of me doing another womans trick hoping noone notices:

"This is um, something I had been working on for a while and I was hoping that a certain someone would be here tonight but I don't see him sooo *sigh/gasp* I guess im gonna get it out anyway. Its funny what you can do in a room full of people that you cant seem to do in front of one person.

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

If im reading this to you it means I performed and you came

Thanks for coming

 

 

 

 

 

HUSBAND OR STEDMAN?.

Every time I attend marriage enrichment class at my church I get a new perspective on this very conservative union vowed before God and witnesses called: MARRIAGE. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a very opinionated and raw when expressing my belief. With that said, I always remain respectful and open to those whose views differ from my own. Even though my personality is very type A, when it comes to social issues I have a very gray perspective.

Every little girl wants to get married right? She dreams of the big day in her white dress, brides maids, with her knight and shining armor awaiting to give her the life she always wanted. It comes to no surprise to me that I was not that little girl. That little girl, is now a big girl and she still doesn’t quite fit into the mold expected of her. She is able to connect with wanting companionship, creating a legacy through family, and even acting out the great commission of love and charity from within. The connection becomes a problem when she is faced with how this will be accomplished. Her ‘holy mother of mary’ side sees marriage as the way to honor God while meeting a strong social need/longing. Her ‘deliver us from eva’ side says ummm….well….is it necessary? Don’t judge me ‘holy mother of mary’. :/

Listen my fellow believers before you go ham…we must do better at allowing people to search their heart without accusing them of my being deceived by the great tempter. There is healing in honest confession. Time out for faking it til you make it…life is too short to play a role waiting to feel the connection; we don’t need an enemy to deceive us because we are too busy deceiving ourselves…

The fact of the matter is commitment and loyalty is who you are not something that comes when you decide youre tired of being alone. I am not anti-marriage…not at all, I just have to wonder if that is what I truly desire or if that is just the closest fit. Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? Things that make you go hmmm…..I am way too liberal for “marriage” and way too conservative to “shack”.

The marriage pill doesn’t go down any easier when you have to wash it down with the milk shake of married people insisting being single is the best thing since sliced bread. With the rise of divorce one cant help but become discouraged, but then you always meet someone who has been married 30 + years  demonstrating that it can indeed be done. So as usual I am stuck between two concepts unapologetically though as this has allowed me to be honest about where I am. Please people of God, miss me with the “that’s the devil tryna deceive you”. Not today yall…..not today.lol.

In marriage class this week a man said something that I thought was funny yet thought provoking. His encouragement to the singles in preparation for marriage:

-As a single person learn to do nice things for people you don’t like now and youll survive marriage later.

Kinda cute but I can see this being the case.lol.

The concept of Marriage is very new for me I must admit. I only decided that I was willing to explore this social upgrade within the past couple of years when by biological clock ticked and tocked ticked and tocked ticked and tocked. Me….a wife and mother? YIKES! But then my heart smiles as the Holy Spirit reminds me: youre gonna be great.

Honestly, I think Marriage is a beautiful thing. I think it is admirable. I think it is commendable. I think it is the closest thing one will get to fellowshipping with and loving the Father in the flesh. I just have to determine if that is truly what I desire….Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? I do indeed want to honor God while I do not want that alone to be the reason I do it. We all know that our relationship with Christ is quite complex and is continually being discovered in new and chilling ways. I don’t want to be bullied into this WWJD campaign when my heart is far from it. Today I want to discover what it is my heart truly desires and from there I can determine what I need vs. what I want and what I am purposed for vs. what will bring me pleasure. Then I am left believing that those “vs.” can be “ands”.

 

Until next time,

1 for Stedman 0 for Husband. Lol.

 

EvenEbony

Men are DOGS...

Monday Morning Mush]] Reality: Men are DOGS!lol. Now I say this from a very pleasant mammalish carnavorish perspective. Know that most men just love women [in general]. The compliments, attention, gifts...he bestows upon you can and will be duplicated many times over. Trust me youll know when its a personalized platform he has created just to sweep YOU off your feet . Don't get mad and bitter when... a dog does what a dog does; just smile, say thank you and only give what you intended to give anyway.lol. Please don't sell your soul for a "like". Keep it moving, keep it classy, & always know every stray dog eventually seeks a home, just make sure they get their shots before you take em in. he he. #evenebony

 

Mandela

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."-Nelson Mandela.

And that's why I became a Social Worker...

As social workers we take on burdens that so many people ignore. My friends and co-workers always say: Put the boxing gloves down Ebony, put em down. There are few people who make ultimate sacrifices that change the course of the world. Their fight for equality, their fight for justice, their fight for peace will remain the standard of true service. It compels us to do better... Thank You Mandelas for your love, thank you for your fight #RIP. 

I don't have a profound entry to provide but ill leave you with the words of a soror regarding this news of Mr. Mandelas passing...



I have no words. Every shut eye ain't sleep, and every goodbye ain't gone. Be at Peace my ancestor

I came so that he could come.

I came so that he could come.

 

Must you forget I had you in mind before your time

I knew you, I know you, I am aware of who you will become

I came so that he could come.

 

I have not forgotten what you endured

I have not forgotten that there was no cure

I have not forgotten your times of lack

I have not forgotten you carried the world on your back

I have not forgotten your nights of tears and prayers

I have not forgotten that they were not there.

I came so that he could come.

 

I am aware of the scars that eyes cannot see

I am aware that you still cry when you think of that time in history

When you smile, I know the miracle you behold

When you laugh, I know your freedom story is yet untold

When you are silent, I know you hear me

When you pray, I know you feel me

When you inspire, you feel most like me

When you forgive, you tap into a new dimension of me

When you love, you are me

I came so the he could come.

 

You think of him.

You desire his touch.

Your imagination captures him and you beam.

You fail to pray for him for fear of being told “be careful what you ask for”.

I need you to pray for him.

I came so that he could come.

 

I created him for you and you for him.

Don’t be discouraged by others relationships who have failed.

Don’t be discouraged by the predictions the gossip magazines tell.

Those that have come your way, yes you willfully let them stay…

hoping they would keep the spot warm until he came one day.

What if I told you that was a part of my plan?

What if I told you it made you a better woman?

If I told you then youll truly understand, why I chose him to be the better man.

We must move past the “Lord how could you”, “why would you” for it keeps you leery of Thee.

I told you all things work together for the good of those who love Me.

I came so that he could come.

 

My daughter he is coming…

It will not be a guessing game or a long drawn out mystery.

You will know he is here when you look in his eyes and see Me.

I came so that he could come.

 

He is my gift to you.

He will love you like no one has ever hurt you.

He will be strong so that you will embrace being weak.

He will laugh at you and with you, for you will be all he ever wanted.

He will take you places you’ve never been and listen to your stories that never end.

You will love him with every fiber of your being.

You will bring him peace, joy, and contentment.

You will create a home filled with laughter, love, and worship.

You will bear his greatest gifts as you both will know: He came for this.

 

You will soon discover that I did not only come to heal you.

I did not only come to dry your weeping eye.            

I did not only come to take the unbearable pain away.

I did not only come to pick you up where your father left you.

I did not only come to clean up the mistakes of your mothers residue.

I did not only come to erase the pains of your past and give you strength to help you last.

I came with great gifts.

I came so that he could come.

 

Daughter, he is coming…

Balance your Brilliance

 

 

I appreciate the seasons when I am so full of music less lyrics. Just as a songwriter my many notions are driven by experiences or something my eyes capture that make you go hmmm. I have learned a great lesson from songsters and some of my favorite authors. Both have a story with a tune that can capture the hearts and souls of many. Both can articulate a concept that has millions screaming “I concur”. Sitting still turning the pages of your truth I find freedom, I find conviction, I find hope. As a fan I then become perplexed when I am gleaming from your liberating confession just to find out in real time you are drowning in defeat. As a social worker, teacher, writer, and believer I have lots of theories, philosophies, beliefs, and quotable moments. As a human being I try not to get so wrapped up in what I am saying that I forget to examine what I do. That is why I share and write out of season so that when I am in season I can totally commit to self and insure I remain a class act. Although I have the ability to smile when it hurts I declare that I shall not go home with that smile and deceive myself. I shall find balance in what I know and what I live.

It is always a tragedy when you see a preacher fall prey to the very thing they teach others to live victoriously over. Some limit it to just their being human but I have to dig deeper and assume there was not a balance of role vs. reality. The greatest of them all understand that they must employ time to examine, discover, reprimand, love, forgive, reestablish, and reaffirm themselves and not make this a part of their public platform. My advice to you is to find balance. When you spend this private time alone and with those who hold you accountable you build up your mercy muscles and you build up your grace muscles as you are constantly reminded that “If it had not been…”. If you neglect this balance you then turn into the problem child that has discovered a new truth or alternative way of living as they miraculously forget their former ways and begin to use this new measuring stick to judge others. # diet # religion #natural hair #smoking…. Let us all enjoy what we do while not forgetting we should be our first client genuinely and authentically.

 

With Love,

Miss Ebony

#evenebony

 

 

 

black me...why you?

My new vow: I shall not participate in any more discussions or

 

forums as to why black men do not desire black women. This

 

process is very self defeating and with the shifting of blame theres

 

never really any real resolve. Why do you even ask me? So that

 

you can attack my nappy hair, my sassiness, and my inability to

 

be...."white"? Listen: pink testicals, brown testicals, black

 

testicals...just love me, support me, cherish me, protect me and rub

 

my feet every now and then. ‪#‎thatsall

 

 

The best couple....The better couple

 

 

 

The Best Man….Better Man

1.Loves God and freverently seeks him for guidance and counsel.

2. Loves his wife, I mean really loves her to the point that her happiness and contentment is his ultimate goal. They may not always agree but his respect for her allows him to state his stance and move on without tearing her down or leaving her feeling worthless.

3. Loves his children and is available to them as their confidant, teacher, disciplinarian; his daughters first love and his sons first boss.

4. Makes an honest wage to provide for his family.

5. Is always honest and forthright with his wife regarding business and personal affairs.

6. Is a man of integrity; well respected in his community, in the work place, and in his place of worship.

7. Is a visionary and is eager to take his family, business, and faith to the next level.

8. Is conscious, alert, and prepared for tragedy and hardship while having a sense of humor that eases pain.

9. Has a heart of forgiveness while not having to worry about morality issues within his home. He bleeds faithfulness and insures that the fire doesn’t die in his home.

10. Monitors and Promotes the physical health, spiritual health, global awareness,  & personal achievement of his family.

 

The Best  Woman….Better Woman

1.Loves God and freverently seeks him for guidance and counsel.

2. Loves her husband, I mean really loves him to the point that his happiness and contentment is her ultimate goal. They may not always agree but her respect for him allows her to listen to his stance and respond without tearing him down or putting his manhood on the chopping block.

3. Rears her children with love and respect. Offers them direction, correction, and stability.

4. Is willing to stand in the gap for her family when called upon by her husband while maintaining her main responsibility: the home.

5. Will share with her husband the issues of her heart without firey fury.

6. Is a woman of service; her heart goes out to the poor and barren.

7. Is a help mate and is eager to stand behind her husband with full support and love.

8. Is conscious, alert, and prepared for tragedy and hardship while keeping her heart light and laughter present.

9.  Has a heart of forgiveness without having to worry about morality issues in her home. She bleeds faithfulness and insures that the fire doesn’t die in her home.

10. Guards and provides provisions for the physical health, spiritual health, global awareness, & personal achievement of her family.

writing & believing

 

 

“I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear. I ‘believe’ for these very same reasons.  As a believer and a writer my truth is that everything that happens to me is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.  Inevitably, writers are the exorcists of their own demons. Inevitably, believing brings peace. Inevitably I have become a brave writer and a brave believer”.

Hurting Men

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's always been a major focus on wounded women but I am finding that there are more and more

 

men who have been hurt and carry such a strong defense that makes it impossible to be in

 

relationship with them. It's devastating meeting a great guy that's been hurt because the damage done

 

causes him to 1. Keep you in the limbo zone. 2. Sabotage your efforts to love him. 3. Put you in the

 

"what if y...ou are just like..." category. When dealing with a wounded person it's a catch 22 because

 

you have to decide A. I deserve better and am moving on. Or B. Ride it out. Either way you take a

 

risk and have to be adamant about not losing yourself in the process. No matter what don't stop

 

loving and don't stop learning. Nothing is in vain... #evenebony

 

 

My ultimate hope is that when a relationship, a job, community expectations, the judicial system,

 

religion, or any element that causes a man to buckle that he will dares to be strong. This being strong

 

is his willingness to be weak; making himself vulnerable and receptive to recovery with the help of

 

those that love him. Our Kings need and deserve respite care. May they receive it, become

 

strengthened, and as a result lift their homes, their communities, and their churches higher. I am such

 

a sucker for black love...witnessing its miracle power is such a wonder. Yeah.....a hopeless optimist is

 

what I am.

Mentorship

I woke up this morning laughing at how my imagination

plays out my rebellion so vividly that I am entertained by the

thoughts I myself create.lol. I sat at the edge of my bed with

one particular young lady on my mind and all I saw was her

poking me, playing in my hair, trying on my clothes,

whispering in my ear blah blah blah…I then get up an

attempt to run from her and she grabs my right ankle and

although this slows me down I still keep it moving on my left

foot dragging her along hoping she will fall off while I wiggle

my right leg gesturing her to gone somewhere. Moral of the

story: I have to rid myself of every excuse as to why I don’t

prefer to mentor young people. I am a product of an adult(s)

taking a greater interest in me outside of what they were

“responsible” for doing. I know that deep down inside I have

a junction to share my life experiences and God faithfulness

with young people while involving them in my journey of

achievement. Until then… I shook her off my ankle, kicked off

my heels, ran and hid behind a door. I am now sitting behind

the door murmuring: “Lord I spent my whole life rearing

children, aint nobody got time for that”, “I promise ill become

a mentor just give me about 10 years to do my own thang”. I

aint even gone tell yall what He said but im sure your guess is

correct. #i really do love the kids, just on my own terms.lol.

Personal Tidbits...follow up from Facebook.

1. My favorite color is red and when I was growing up I was tortured for wearing red and living on the northside. Cuzz for life fool!lol.

2. I have met and had private meetings... with 2 U.S. Presidents.
 
3. I secretly still like Mickey Mouse but im glad I grew out of the phase of wanting an open face gold with mickey ears in it.
 
4. I have a very creative niche and can spend hours in stores like Hobby Lobby, JoAnns, Michaels, Pier One...
 
5. I use to do community organizing in Lexington, KY.
 
6. I have scheduled bathroom breaks and scheduled crying sessions.lol.
 
7. I like to write and most times its not politically, socially, or religiously correct but its my truth so I share hoping to inspire someone to explore their truth.

8. I cant stand chocolate cake or chocolate icecream but I do like brownies and snickers.

9. I haaaattttteeee when people are late.

10. My love languages are gifts and words of affirmation.

11. I received my Masters in Social Work from KU and I really don't care.lol. *insider*

12. I loooooovvve my siblings.

13. I dance in the mirror half naked with heels on.

14. I really enjoy teaching and training, it really gets my juices flowing.

15. I love Jesus and his campaign to heal the broken hearted, see about the forgotten, provide for the poor, heal the sick, free the bound....

16. Ive never had a boyfriend that I introduced to my siblings as someone serious. Hmmm...Ive never really had a boyfriend.lol. Tuh..up until like age 27 I didn't want to have kids or get married...funny how things change.lol.

17. Cant nobody tell me I cant sing and rap. On the TLC tip!lol

18. I am outgoing yet very reserved.

19. Today I love my life and the people in it.

20. I have my freedom papers and am learning to be free :).

 

HAPPY FOUNDERS DAY SORHORS!!!!

Ratchet

The diary of a diva who desires to be ratchet:

 

The thrill of ratchetness intrigues me as women drop it like its hot, yells YOLO, and rocks a bird nest as a hairstyle (dyed three times). The freedom that surrounds this concept is secretly desired by me as I am well aware that ‘they’ shame the culture of being a true diva. Being a Diva takes much work, much thought, much preparation, much execution and follows a strict law of diva norms while being ratchet is unrestricted, limitless and executed with such a great level of mind-numbing stupidity that there is no sweat off the brow. The unfortunate thing is that neither culture can be impersonated as you either have it or you don’t. I am left with the reality that if you give me the most ratchet outfit, a grill, a tattoo across my chest, and turn me lose in a club I will probably curl up in the corner and die but in my dreams I am queen ratchet where everything goes. Until next time I am left with the reality that the highlight of my day is dumpster diving for furniture pieces that I can reconstruct into a work of art. What is a simple diva to do when she really wants to be ratchet?! *rhetorically speaking*. Now I have a few ideas but the Lord is gonna have to rush this Boaz campaign before im too old to get back up once I drop down…he he.

A letter to my Brother...

 

You have always been quite peculiar. Not a man of many words but of much thought. I sit and wonder often if your thoughts consume you. Do they inspire you or discourage you. Do they give you life or create a garden of slow death. Do you dream dreams or wonder why things had to be.

 

I pray for you more than I pray for myself. I pray that surpassing peace will surround you as you find your way. I pray that favor will flood you. I pray that the right people will enter your life. I pray that love with rain, rule, and abide. I pray for your finances, your health, and your future. I pray for your future occupation that they will offer you the salary of a King and benefits of Royalty. I pray that those resources will build a home fit for a Queen to whom you will release all monies to.lol. May she be a lover of the Lord, wise in her dealings, humble in her approach, girded with strength, and committed to service. Hmmm...hell I guess I hope shes like me.lol. I pray for your children. That you will be the Priest, Prophet, & King of your home. That you will rear your boys to be men and your girls to me ladies. That you will provide for them, love them, care for them, support them, be present for them, and leave them something to build upon.

 

You are an overcomer, a beater of odds, a curse breaker. Because you have chosen a route different than what was handed to you I declare that many doors will open to solidify your refusal to be a man of the streets. May the abuse of substance never enter your life and commit to destroying you and your seeds. May you respect women/love them and never allow your wrath to cause her emotional or physical harm.

 

I am beyond proud of you! Im not gonna beat you over the head with God talk but I want you to spend much time in prayer as I will be in agreement with whatever your hearts desire shall be. As you continue your journey of pursuing higher education know that you have already won! This new journey youre taking of off campus living is causing me much grief as I have only been able to cope with you being away by telling myself you were on an extended vacation. Although I cry at the thought of you not having a reserved bedroom at my place I want nothing more for you than for you to be a man and handle business as a man. Im having a very hard time letting go but i know you will be fine. Lord keep my brother safe and give him the discernment needed to make the right decisions. Promise me youll keep my key on your key chain and every now and then stop by and take out my trash :(. Make sure you call first....tee hee hee.

 

Ive watched you grow into an outstanding young man and watching you leave the nest is bitter sweet....more bitter than sweet though. It seems just like yesterday you were riding your bike around the projects trying to make it home before dark. The days of me buying Jordans and Jerseys are such a distant memory yet a close recollection. There is a lot that bonds us together and as you embark on this new journey of independence know that I will still climb a mountain or swim across shore if you need me.

 

 I love you and will make it my business to drive down 29 and make sure your room is clean! I love you brother. There is a special place in my heart that only you reside and I will take you with me no matter where life may take us.

 

Many Blessings,

From your big Sis Ebony

Booty

Ive never really been opinionated regarding the impact on music in todays society. I remain fairly neutral agreeing that it is a political movement of influence while also believing as individuals/families/communities we have to put all things into its proper perspective taking in what we can handle and leaving the rest for the taking.

Mmmm… if I had to label my movement I would consider myself a liberal feminist. I share a radical belief that all women should find their truth, their beauty and be liberated from within but I don’t spend a lot of time boycotting groups for their lack of sensitivity to this group.

I have a confession: when the hymns subside and I hang up my professional hat I get ‘turnt up’ (is that how you say it? lol). When the rump shaking anthems blow through the speakers of my car or im at home in some form of transition I turn on the local hip hop/r&b station and let loose. My alter ego surfaces and I become a video girl/rapper having the time of my life! I don’t even have a big booty but when the right song comes on you cant convince me my twirking ability wont land me in the next remix video. Now to my defense, I do have a dancing past so my rhythmic nature is decent but honey when my imagination takes a hold of me…watch out world!

No matter who she is or what shes going through…the right song can put her right side up again. When I use to go to the club I would be astonished at the level of confidence displayed when a certain song came on. Every woman on the dance floor was her own Beyoncé and she let her ‘UH OH’ do its magic. The freedom in getting caught up in the tag line while believing its just you and yours cant be accomplished through therapy or scripture memorization (don’t shoot me). This is cadenced notion is her owning it, walking in it fearlessly, with no apologies.

If I want to brighten someone’s day I pray for them, give them a cheer up greeting gift, and my favorite… bring a booty shaking song and start doing the bump until they laugh uncontrollably and gain up enough strength to shake their tale feather. To be honest I don’t know what half the songs say outside the hook but as the liberal feminist that I am I want to give a special award to Sage the Gemini for turning bootys all across the world into mans best friend.lol. “And she gon' shake it, like a red nose--Li-li-li-li-like a red nose” & to Krizz Kaliko for liking girls with big bootys-“I like a girl wit a big booty…she like to back it up and give it to me”.

Historically, our ability to move has freed us from life’s weights. From cheerleading, to drill teams, to neighborhood girl groups we continue to move and look good/feel good while doing it.

Dance competitions at family gatherings with much laughter as the different generations do their moves are amusing. Everyone cheering “Go, Go, Go, Go”!!!!!

To all the women across the world I command you to shake what yo mama gave you! There is no one booty that is the same but we all have something to proudly display as you look back at it, purk your lips, get on your tippy toes and just bounce.

 

Top 10 booty songs of my time that keep us believing we are a force to be reckoned with…now shake it!

10) “Rump Shaker” by Wrex N Effect

9) “Big Ole Butt,” LL Cool J

8 ) Ms. Fat Booty, Mos Def

7) “The Thong Song,” Sisqo

6) “Bonita Applebum,” A Tribe Called Quest

5)“Da Butt,” E. U.

4) TIE: “Fatty Girl,” Ludacris, LL Cool J and Keith Murray/”Bootylicious,” Destiny’s Child

3) Juvenile, “Back That Thang Up”

2) Mystikal, “Shake Ya A**”

1) Baby Got Back, Sir Mix-A-Lot

 

#EVENEBONY

Unmarried Sexually Active Believers...

The moment He says he is a believer and proceeds to do more than just kiss her…

 The moment she responds that she loves the Lord but is overtaken by her need to be more than just held…

At that moment they have both spiritually shattered the probability of them being just friends.

At that moment they have both spiritually shattered the probability of them being even more than just friends.

So what are they?

They are stuck between the two trying to juggle this friend thing, this boo thing, this friend thing, this boo thing, this friend thing, this boo thing…..

A brother in Christ of mine said something to me that I continue to ponder on. He said that if a true man of God cant contain himself in sexual matters…this shows his inability or unwillingness to lead his family into TRUTH. If he does not stand, then who will? I use to laugh all the time when I would say there would be no premarital sex if men wouldn’t pursue such an act.lol. Now this is a bit extreme while realizing the same would be true if women would just say no.lol.

The reality is as sexually involved believers there will be no real turn in the tide until individuals get it deep down inside that they want to honor God with their bodies at all cost. So how can we love God so much yet love sex outside of the covenant the He ordained. The spirit is indeed willing, while the flesh is weak…

My spiritual prayer is that I meet a guy who loves God so much that his containment will bring my flesh under subjection, leaving us both waiting until the time is right. Could you imagine sitting so close to him that every pulsation is secretly raging out of control as your flesh really wants him to put you out of your misery but his spirit wont budge; with the understanding that hes not gay or already banging other women? lol. Sounds like torture, but the glory that follows Im sure cant be compared J.

This is a reality for so many but no one really talks about the actual process, they just talk about the expectation.

It’s the reality of most believing women to want more but settle for less as the immediate gratification quenches the thirst of her eternal drought of longing. There is no natural “tool” long enough to scratch the spiritual love itch that she really has; yet understanding that that tool does have the power to weaken her love signal leaving her to believe this is as good as it gets for now or better yet this is what I prefer :/

I don’t have an answer or magic revelation but as a social worker I am aware that in order to tackle an epidemic the conversation must be had….

There have been many spiritual theories, shifts of personal blame, and natural circumstances that explain why sex before marriage is a reality for those of us practicing our faith and I agree with most of them J.

The good news is...even when we put the cart before the horse redemption is yet available as our hearts cry out for more all the while HE is eager to complete the puzzle.

‘Complex yet Conquerable’ is my final thought.

#EVENEBONY

Singly Married

Singly Married

 

What fun is it being physically alone while being spiritually told what to do! You mean to tell me I gotta fall asleep unaccompanied but wake up to this still small voice giving me instructions for the day! Comb your hair baby, Those pants are too tight dear, No fast food-cook dinner, Don’t talk back-just hold your peace…..HA!...& whose grand idea was this! People all over the world raving about being single in Lord and the beauty of fellowshipping with him alone. Tuh! Did I miss the memo! Check Please…

Woosah…yes Lord I love ya but I think we both need to have a sit down cause I don’t understand why I must  go through such a rigorous training course when it appears that you have been giving half-baked couples the go for years! Ok, Ok…I’m special. One of a kind, of a special design….the person he has for me is beyond my wildest dreams. Now, that sounded perfect when I was getting my graduate degree, tapping into some emotional healing, and cleaning up some debt. Well lets face it…yeah I can get my PHD but hanging from a ceiling fan sounds more appealing. I will always be healing emotionally as a woman with many scars but I am definitely no Lynn Whitefield from A thin Line Between Love and Hate. Finally lets face it…I will be in debt indefinitely so lets just die broke together. Now that we’ve got that out of the way I must acknowledge that the time it took me to get to this point in this excerpt I have released at least 5 viable eggs with no mating opportunities. The moral: Lord we are wasting precious time here!!! *clears throat and improves posture*.

I love ya Lord, you knows I do but this Singly Married boat needs to reach its shore before I jump off and make a spectacle out of myself and You! Now, you don’t have to consider this your warning as I know you are Sovereign. You actually don’t even have to acknowledge my plea. When its all said and done I truly don’t know what I am asking you for but this we both know…you don’t escort me to the movies, you don’t pick up my dinner tab, you don’t rub my feet, but you always tell me what to do. With the exception of a few hiccups every now and then I have been a good wife to you.lol. I love ya Lord, you knows I do but can you please send me my boo : ).

 

All jokes a side…I don’t mind waiting J. This has been an interesting ride and I am sooo sooo sooo very grateful for my journey. Its just the beginning…..#EvenEbony.

 

Until Next Time…Be Easy!

Signed,

Miss Ebony

 

Resilency

Todays Word is Resiliency...

 

Resilient: The spirit of overcoming obstacles created to destroy. Today I am grateful for the reminder that my resiliency alone makes me a champion. I sometimes forget this truth as I harbor on personal struggles, matters of the mind, issues of the heart and actions of rebellion.

My dog was recently attacked by a neighbor dog  & observing her recovery has given me a new revelation of resiliency as I witness that she is better after the attack than she was moments before it. The scar is quite an eye sore but she has her life and for that I am grateful. Although I realize that our time here on this earth is limited, I am learning not to spend time anticipating this departure but rather enjoying the stay.

I have overcome and am now enduring a season of discovering the self I never knew. Its amazing how you can live with someone 24/7 and not really know who they are.lol. As I discover self I create declarations to remind myself of my truth, laugh when I do what I said I never would, forgive myself when I seek natural fixes for spiritual matters, love more/judge less, forgive daily & pray about everything.

I am also enjoying seeing myself open up in areas that I have been closed off to in the past.  As my willingness increases the change on the inside is manifesting on the outside and I am in awe at what is taking place. My hair is now a big ol curly poof and I just slap it in a gelled up knot on top of my head while I gain enough courage to wear it out in its natural ‘lion like’ state.lol. My waist is shrinking and I am enjoying the curves becoming more defined…POW, POW, POW!lol.

There is no real purpose for this entry other than to say….EvenEbony. I have bad days, days of heaviness, and days of uncertainty but…I am here J. Oh…I saw the Color Purple Musical in Chicago last week and it gave me the breakthrough I needed. The aftermath of tears, confessions, and revelations sealed the deal. My healing process can sometimes be painful but the Glory that follows leaves me at a lost for words.

 

Signing Out,

MISS EBONY