How much is my Tab?

How much is my tab?

You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. If you don’t have it at your current disposal to give, then don’t purchase it. So many times we enter relationships, make business decisions, commit to financial obligations without the necessary tools to make it successful while moving forward anyway banking on a future potential that we are hoping will arrive in enough time for us to enjoy this premature decision. 

I met him during a time that I didn’t even know me. I knew that my soul was not prepared to share in this encounter but my flesh convinced me I deserved it and that this opportunity may never come again. I psyched myself to believe that each moment was innocent and that I had full control of the outcome but little did I know when he was gone I would be left emotionally bankrupt. How can I give something that I did not myself have: Love. Well, I was hoping that Love would find me on this path and all that was well would end well. Unfortunately I and love were going in two different directions. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. Sir, how much is my tab?

The proposition was made and it seemed too good to be true and I believed you and signed my name on the dotted line. Who would pass up a position like this?! I didn’t even finish high school and I have the opportunity to make six figures! Shoot , sign a sistah up! Yeah, you signed me up for a debt that I would be paying for, for the rest of my life. How was I supposed to know this was an illegal sting? I wanted to believe that miracles happen to ordinary people. I wanted to believe that fine print did not exist. What I believed was that I could get something for nothing and what a fool I was! All I wanted was to give my children the life that I was never afforded, so when the door opened I walked right through it. Now that the hard part is over, I still find myself playing this decision over and over in my head. To my conscious I say…. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab! Ma’am (self) how much is my tab so that I can pay you and move on?

I want it, I want it, I want it so bad! I know I don’t have the money now, but there are so many people who owe me money by the time I am compensated I can just pay it off.  This balance is now due! Where are all those people who borrowed from me when I need them.  All that I do for people and you mean to tell me I cant even satisfy this simple debt. I know I didn’t have the money when I purchased it but I just knew that my being a good person would generate some funds to pay the balance. You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. If you don’t have it at you current disposal to give, then don’t purchase it. Excuse me 'Company', you can gone and  pick this up cause I cant afford that tab.

I remember when I was a child my mother had a ‘tab’ at the local corner store. She would send us to the store with a note filled with items that she wanted but with no money. I would hand over the note and inform them to put it on her tab. I never complained as there were always some hot chips, a pickle, and some green and yellow laffy taffys on the list for me.  When we would walk with her to the store she would turn us loose to get whatever we wanted just to put it on her tab. When we got older, my sister and I would make speculations as to how in the world did she pay the tab on a fixed income. Im just gone leave that alone but its funny how what begins as a financial debt turned into a soul debt. Oh the price she had to pay for beer, cigarettes, and hot chips! I would give any amount of money today to give her back all that was lost in her world of opening up tabs in economics and relationships.  She-‘We’ didn’t have it to give but we convince ourselves we needed it so we opened up a tab. I scream from the mountaintop that we need discipline and patience. In this life if we learn to tell ourselves “no” and “wait” hindsight would be no more. When we are in such a rush to get what we want and what we think we deserve while telling ourselves the lies that ‘this time will never come again’ and that ‘we only live once’, we die to our tabs.

A tab? A tool that is open, boundless, giving you permission to give and take at your will with the intent of you paying for every transaction(sometimes with interest). If you cannot pay in the original agreed upon tender, you will begin to search for other ways to compensate for your debt as you rob peter to pay paul. You continue to take, take, take hoping that you would eventually reach an even balance, but you never do. You end up on the shorter end leaving you tied to the tab and its owner indefinitely. While you have the chance… cash out and retrieve your tab! Make it up in your mind, that you will not go around this mountain again. To cash out means to vow to never sow a seed in that place again and when you have the means pay the tab and move on.

You have set at this table long enough, you have accepted this long enough, you have been indebted to this long enough, cash out and retrieve your tab. If you don’t have it at you current disposal to give, then don’t purchase it. So many times we enter relationships, make business decisions, commit to financial obligations without the necessary tools to make it successful while moving forward anyway banking on a future potential that we are hoping will arrive in enough time for us to enjoy this premature decision. 

Until next time ladies,

Meet me here, draw from here, quench your soul thirst here at Wednesdays WELLness

----Signed, Miss Ebony