Virgin to the Mic

So....Monday I am contemplating signing up for Open Mic at Soul Sessions. I am waaaaaayyyy nervous. No promises but while thinking about it I wrote this quick thought referring to my first time.lol.

 

Virgin to the Mic 

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

Ive watched many do it and wondered how it felt

Watching makes me feel like an expert

Watching arouses me

Watching keeps me at the edge of my seat

Kinda like porn

I see you on stage but I imagine it was me

 

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

As I prep for my first time

I talk to my friends about how it might feel

Would it hurt

Should I go fast

Should I go slow

Will I do it right

Will I stumble with the mic in my hand

Will it be a natural fit or will I have to force it and pretend

 Will my first time consist of me doing another womans trick hoping noone notices:

"This is um, something I had been working on for a while and I was hoping that a certain someone would be here tonight but I don't see him sooo *sigh/gasp* I guess im gonna get it out anyway. Its funny what you can do in a room full of people that you cant seem to do in front of one person.

I am a virgin because Ive never done it before

This is a mic and I know where it goes

This is a mic and I know where it goes

I am a virgin because ive never done it before

 

If im reading this to you it means I performed and you came

Thanks for coming

 

 

 

 

 

HUSBAND OR STEDMAN?.

Every time I attend marriage enrichment class at my church I get a new perspective on this very conservative union vowed before God and witnesses called: MARRIAGE. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a very opinionated and raw when expressing my belief. With that said, I always remain respectful and open to those whose views differ from my own. Even though my personality is very type A, when it comes to social issues I have a very gray perspective.

Every little girl wants to get married right? She dreams of the big day in her white dress, brides maids, with her knight and shining armor awaiting to give her the life she always wanted. It comes to no surprise to me that I was not that little girl. That little girl, is now a big girl and she still doesn’t quite fit into the mold expected of her. She is able to connect with wanting companionship, creating a legacy through family, and even acting out the great commission of love and charity from within. The connection becomes a problem when she is faced with how this will be accomplished. Her ‘holy mother of mary’ side sees marriage as the way to honor God while meeting a strong social need/longing. Her ‘deliver us from eva’ side says ummm….well….is it necessary? Don’t judge me ‘holy mother of mary’. :/

Listen my fellow believers before you go ham…we must do better at allowing people to search their heart without accusing them of my being deceived by the great tempter. There is healing in honest confession. Time out for faking it til you make it…life is too short to play a role waiting to feel the connection; we don’t need an enemy to deceive us because we are too busy deceiving ourselves…

The fact of the matter is commitment and loyalty is who you are not something that comes when you decide youre tired of being alone. I am not anti-marriage…not at all, I just have to wonder if that is what I truly desire or if that is just the closest fit. Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? Things that make you go hmmm…..I am way too liberal for “marriage” and way too conservative to “shack”.

The marriage pill doesn’t go down any easier when you have to wash it down with the milk shake of married people insisting being single is the best thing since sliced bread. With the rise of divorce one cant help but become discouraged, but then you always meet someone who has been married 30 + years  demonstrating that it can indeed be done. So as usual I am stuck between two concepts unapologetically though as this has allowed me to be honest about where I am. Please people of God, miss me with the “that’s the devil tryna deceive you”. Not today yall…..not today.lol.

In marriage class this week a man said something that I thought was funny yet thought provoking. His encouragement to the singles in preparation for marriage:

-As a single person learn to do nice things for people you don’t like now and youll survive marriage later.

Kinda cute but I can see this being the case.lol.

The concept of Marriage is very new for me I must admit. I only decided that I was willing to explore this social upgrade within the past couple of years when by biological clock ticked and tocked ticked and tocked ticked and tocked. Me….a wife and mother? YIKES! But then my heart smiles as the Holy Spirit reminds me: youre gonna be great.

Honestly, I think Marriage is a beautiful thing. I think it is admirable. I think it is commendable. I think it is the closest thing one will get to fellowshipping with and loving the Father in the flesh. I just have to determine if that is truly what I desire….Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? I do indeed want to honor God while I do not want that alone to be the reason I do it. We all know that our relationship with Christ is quite complex and is continually being discovered in new and chilling ways. I don’t want to be bullied into this WWJD campaign when my heart is far from it. Today I want to discover what it is my heart truly desires and from there I can determine what I need vs. what I want and what I am purposed for vs. what will bring me pleasure. Then I am left believing that those “vs.” can be “ands”.

 

Until next time,

1 for Stedman 0 for Husband. Lol.

 

EvenEbony

Men are DOGS...

Monday Morning Mush]] Reality: Men are DOGS!lol. Now I say this from a very pleasant mammalish carnavorish perspective. Know that most men just love women [in general]. The compliments, attention, gifts...he bestows upon you can and will be duplicated many times over. Trust me youll know when its a personalized platform he has created just to sweep YOU off your feet . Don't get mad and bitter when... a dog does what a dog does; just smile, say thank you and only give what you intended to give anyway.lol. Please don't sell your soul for a "like". Keep it moving, keep it classy, & always know every stray dog eventually seeks a home, just make sure they get their shots before you take em in. he he. #evenebony

 

Mandela

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."-Nelson Mandela.

And that's why I became a Social Worker...

As social workers we take on burdens that so many people ignore. My friends and co-workers always say: Put the boxing gloves down Ebony, put em down. There are few people who make ultimate sacrifices that change the course of the world. Their fight for equality, their fight for justice, their fight for peace will remain the standard of true service. It compels us to do better... Thank You Mandelas for your love, thank you for your fight #RIP. 

I don't have a profound entry to provide but ill leave you with the words of a soror regarding this news of Mr. Mandelas passing...



I have no words. Every shut eye ain't sleep, and every goodbye ain't gone. Be at Peace my ancestor

I came so that he could come.

I came so that he could come.

 

Must you forget I had you in mind before your time

I knew you, I know you, I am aware of who you will become

I came so that he could come.

 

I have not forgotten what you endured

I have not forgotten that there was no cure

I have not forgotten your times of lack

I have not forgotten you carried the world on your back

I have not forgotten your nights of tears and prayers

I have not forgotten that they were not there.

I came so that he could come.

 

I am aware of the scars that eyes cannot see

I am aware that you still cry when you think of that time in history

When you smile, I know the miracle you behold

When you laugh, I know your freedom story is yet untold

When you are silent, I know you hear me

When you pray, I know you feel me

When you inspire, you feel most like me

When you forgive, you tap into a new dimension of me

When you love, you are me

I came so the he could come.

 

You think of him.

You desire his touch.

Your imagination captures him and you beam.

You fail to pray for him for fear of being told “be careful what you ask for”.

I need you to pray for him.

I came so that he could come.

 

I created him for you and you for him.

Don’t be discouraged by others relationships who have failed.

Don’t be discouraged by the predictions the gossip magazines tell.

Those that have come your way, yes you willfully let them stay…

hoping they would keep the spot warm until he came one day.

What if I told you that was a part of my plan?

What if I told you it made you a better woman?

If I told you then youll truly understand, why I chose him to be the better man.

We must move past the “Lord how could you”, “why would you” for it keeps you leery of Thee.

I told you all things work together for the good of those who love Me.

I came so that he could come.

 

My daughter he is coming…

It will not be a guessing game or a long drawn out mystery.

You will know he is here when you look in his eyes and see Me.

I came so that he could come.

 

He is my gift to you.

He will love you like no one has ever hurt you.

He will be strong so that you will embrace being weak.

He will laugh at you and with you, for you will be all he ever wanted.

He will take you places you’ve never been and listen to your stories that never end.

You will love him with every fiber of your being.

You will bring him peace, joy, and contentment.

You will create a home filled with laughter, love, and worship.

You will bear his greatest gifts as you both will know: He came for this.

 

You will soon discover that I did not only come to heal you.

I did not only come to dry your weeping eye.            

I did not only come to take the unbearable pain away.

I did not only come to pick you up where your father left you.

I did not only come to clean up the mistakes of your mothers residue.

I did not only come to erase the pains of your past and give you strength to help you last.

I came with great gifts.

I came so that he could come.

 

Daughter, he is coming…