Every time I
attend marriage enrichment class at my church I get a new perspective on this
very conservative union vowed before God and witnesses called: MARRIAGE. Now,
anyone who knows me knows that I am a very opinionated and raw when expressing
my belief. With that said, I always remain respectful and open to those whose
views differ from my own. Even though my personality is very type A, when it
comes to social issues I have a very gray
perspective.
Every little
girl wants to get married right? She dreams of the big day in her white dress,
brides maids, with her knight and shining armor awaiting to give her the life
she always wanted. It comes to no surprise to me that I was not that little
girl. That little girl, is now a big girl and she still doesn’t quite fit into
the mold expected of her. She is able to connect with wanting companionship,
creating a legacy through family, and even acting out the great commission of
love and charity from within. The connection becomes a problem when she is
faced with how this will be accomplished. Her ‘holy mother of mary’ side sees
marriage as the way to honor God while meeting a strong social need/longing.
Her ‘deliver us from eva’ side says ummm….well….is it necessary? Don’t judge me
‘holy mother of mary’. :/
Listen my
fellow believers before you go ham…we must do better at allowing people to
search their heart without accusing them of my being deceived by the great
tempter. There is healing in honest confession. Time out for faking it til you
make it…life is too short to play a role waiting to feel the connection; we don’t
need an enemy to deceive us because we are too busy deceiving ourselves…
The fact of
the matter is commitment and loyalty is who you are not something that comes
when you decide youre tired of being alone. I am not anti-marriage…not at all,
I just have to wonder if that is what I truly desire or if that is just the
closest fit. Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? Things that make you
go hmmm…..I am way too liberal for “marriage” and way too conservative to
“shack”.
The marriage
pill doesn’t go down any easier when you have to wash it down with the milk
shake of married people insisting being single is the best thing since sliced
bread. With the rise of divorce one cant help but become discouraged, but then
you always meet someone who has been married 30 + years demonstrating that it can indeed be done. So
as usual I am stuck between two concepts unapologetically though as this has
allowed me to be honest about where I am. Please people of God, miss me with
the “that’s the devil tryna deceive you”. Not today yall…..not today.lol.
In marriage
class this week a man said something that I thought was funny yet thought
provoking. His encouragement to the singles in preparation for marriage:
-As a single
person learn to do nice things for people you don’t like now and youll survive
marriage later.
Kinda cute
but I can see this being the case.lol.
The concept
of Marriage is very new for me I must admit. I only decided that I was willing
to explore this social upgrade within the past couple of years when by
biological clock ticked and tocked ticked and tocked ticked and tocked. Me….a
wife and mother? YIKES! But then my heart smiles as the Holy Spirit reminds me:
youre gonna be great.
Honestly, I
think Marriage is a beautiful thing. I think it is admirable. I think it is
commendable. I think it is the closest thing one will get to fellowshipping
with and loving the Father in the flesh. I just have to determine if that is
truly what I desire….Do I want a husband or do I want a Stedman? I do indeed
want to honor God while I do not want that alone to be the reason I do it. We
all know that our relationship with Christ is quite complex and is continually being
discovered in new and chilling ways. I don’t want to be bullied into this WWJD
campaign when my heart is far from it. Today I want to discover what it is my
heart truly desires and from there I can determine what I need vs. what I want
and what I am purposed for vs. what will bring me pleasure. Then I am left
believing that those “vs.” can be “ands”.
Until next
time,
1 for
Stedman 0 for Husband. Lol.
EvenEbony
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