Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wednesdays WELLness

The moment God says "no more entertaining idle relationships, where I'm taking you they can't go. truth is they don't like you anyway. when will you learn you will never have a host of friends and I have not called you into casual dating. repent and release them. your attempt to be all things to all people and normalize yourself is causing your virtue to be robbed. you are different, accept it and... move on".

The moment being different causes you to feel rejected and unloved when in reality your deposits and fill ups are pre arranged/ordained as you've settled for cheap gas along the way causing you not to run as smoothly. This is the season you will ride that cheap stuff out and await the premium gold I had for you all along. I will maintain and place the right people in your life that I have hand picked for such a time as this. Be encouraged, the best is yet to come!

#2:00 am call from heaven
#this time i didn't roll over and play dead
# I guess we will use this as evenebonys Wednesdays WELLness cause I'm at a lost for words and have nothing else to share.

So much more was revealed but this portion is public posting worthy. Feeling some kinda way but all shall be well. I hope somebody else is able to draw from this right now word and be blessed .

Monday, April 28, 2014

Artistry

Nikki Giovanni says: "True artists believe the human spirit cannot be tamed and should not be trained". It's no wonder why there's a constant battle between art and religion. I love God the creator of all things beautiful. When I am in creative mode I feel free a...nd defiant; I feel like a subservient ruler. Truth is I live in creative mode. I pray that my creativity is not mistaken as double mindlessness or luke warm"ish" as I explore the unexplorable, do the unthinkinable, say what's unspoken and live on the edge. I am an artist and a Christian but am no Christian artist.lol. #evenebony


Thursday, April 24, 2014

Me and Mama



TBT- My Mama, My Sister Ivory, & Me (I believe my brother Arion was in the womb)Easter many years ago. I think I was 8 but don’t quote me. This picture is quite bittersweet for me as I look at it and see an era of innocence stolen, addictions surfacing, and childhood becoming adulthood. But then I am reminded that despite poverty, tragedy, and abuse Eulas kids are a testament of Gods Grace, Mercy, and Miraculous Power. Although my mother is on the cycle of the relapse of recovery I ask God to help me believe her each time as if its her first attempt. I honor her for never giving up although childhood abandonment/neglect/ and abuse, intimate relationships, addictions, povertys hand and mental illness tried to overthrow her. She is a fighter and believes in prayer and that alone planted a seed in her children that will outlive her for many generations. I vowed to be all that she could never be for I know her greatest desire is to see her children make it. Forgiveness is ongoing and she will forever be a thorn in my side but I am learning how to love forreal as I listen without judgment, encourage when I need encouraging, see her as a Queen unaware of her thrown and understand that when the Father sees her and me we are one in the same: a sinner needing redemption through the blood. I tend to be an exhorter by nature as I give words from my heart but if you follow my blog theres a story behind my optimism, love, hope, and forgiveness. Today I share a vulnerable piece of me with you…Happy Throw Back Thursday World! <evenebony> . Its raining today…

Love on the Stand of a one nighter....


 
The moment someone comes up with a set of rules regarding relationship “how tos” “must dos” and “never dos” is the moment you experience the greatest time of your life and learn your most crucial lessons  doing none of those things.lol. The games we play stifles me as we spend so much time trying to outsmart the other person and present morally sound when our inner dummy and hoe is just waiting to scream “SURPRISE”.  I enjoy hearing how people find love and quite frankly they all sound vastly different but the savor seems to be the same.

Let your experience & your inner voice guide you as you determine what works for YOU and what doesn’t. Be aware of what YOU want, What YOU don’t want, and Where YOUR wiggle room lies. Be who YOU are knowing that somebody has either 1. Been looking a long time just for your quirky make-up or 2. Good, Bad, or Indifferent is in desperate need of what you can offer even if they don’t know it yet, as the missing piece to their puzzle lies in you. Contrary to popular belief, love is available to EVERYONE. Nothing you can do disqualifies you. Those that consider themselves worthy because they’ve crossed all their “T”s and dotted all their “I”s are in no better position than those who consider themselves unworthy and worthless due to their past mistakes.  OooOwEE  now that’s the kinda God I serve, raining on us all is in justness. Now repeat after me: Whether I burn every meal or burn like Paula Dean theres somebody for me. Whether I am fat or skinny there is somebody for me. Whether I  am bald or Rapunzel is my mama there is somebody for me. Whether I have a PHD or GED there is somebody for me. Whether I have much or little there is somebody for me. Whether I believe it or not THERE IS somebody for me.

My only advice: Constantly work on being YOUR better YOU so that assurance alone is in agreement that you deserve the best. What is the best? It cannot be measured by the standard of man but something only you and your Creater can comprehend.

 
So whether its a one night stand or a wedded hand...whats for you is for you. Please don't shoot me, just accept the lesson for what its worth. Its no secret that marriage is a honored covenant but with the divorce rate I think the conversation needs to change a tad bit...im just saying. *wink*
 
Live. YOUR OWN LIFE.

Learn. FROM YOUR OWN VOICE.

Laugh. WHEN YOU DO WHAT YOU SAID YOUD NEVER DO WHILE FORGIVING YOURSELF TO JUST LIVE, LEARN, AND LAUGH AGAIN J.

<EvenEbony>
 
 

Friday, April 18, 2014

That was for This....


 
The moment life reveals to you…That was for This. Today I stand in awe of where my adult journey is taking me. I don’t have a clear map but I am certain that every opportunity is leading to something greater. I remember as a young girl having my first job as a 4-H mentor. Ironically, it was not the traditional 4-H of agricultural studies but it was one of literacy hence the ASAP that followed it: After School Academic Program. Coming from a single parent home on welfare and public housing I was just looking for an opportunity to make some money so that I could buy what appeared to be finer things for my siblings and I. The culture of being ‘the better of the bads’ perplexes me today but was definitely my reality then. That was for This. My 4-H experiences set a precedence for a journey that I am now recognizing will not only give me purpose but compensate me for my trouble. My 4-H experience exposed me to entrepreneurship, programing, fundraising, grass root initiatives, public speaking, public policy, educational outcomes and the like. Through my 7 year youth experience with 4-H I was able to meet local funders, travel to Jefferson City (which is a big deal for a girl who never left the city in which she lived) by train, be a part of the programing process, make a difference through accountability, and see a world outside of the one my parents created for me. I received scholarships, local notoriety, and  national recognitions in which I was sent to Washington to convene in meetings with then President George Bush and America’s Promise Chair Colin Powell. No, my home life was no crystal stair but I had a  place I could go and recharge and for that I will be forever grateful for 4-H. This movement employed my grandmother, aunts, siblings, neighbors all while training a generation of leaders. That was for This.

As a young professional I struggle with staying true to the heart of grass roots efforts while understanding the importance of corporate sponsorship. That young girl from the 1200 block of Kansas City rises up with each new opportunity as I declare I refuse to sell out. My biggest fear of going to college was that I would lose my connection to the core of who I was…I did not want to change. I prided myself on my ability to be a scholar and a hoodlum.lol. As I moved closer to receiving my degree in hand it was very clear to me that I had indeed changed. My friends where new, My mind set had shifted, My desires where soaring, My goals were transformed, I looked different, I walked different, I talked different….I was different. In an attempt to shake myself loose I declared I would become a social worker in the inner city and work for local agencies that were making a difference. Within a few years I was not fulfilled pushing papers, qualifying people for services, approving referrals, and making the state so much money but seeing no systemic change. As a result I returned to school and received my Masters with the hope of transitioning from direct service/clinical work to one with more of an administrative focus just to find out that because I was under 30 with a pipe dream no one really took me serious.

Sitting in my office at the Good Samaritan Project two years ago I was applying to be the Director of Case Management. I nailed the interview with my ability to captivate the audience, share my vision, and enlighten them on what they would gain. Aye, 4-H did that! My ability to stand in a room of decision makers and state my case believing I had the right to be there was cultivated in me when I was just a little girl. Sadly enough, (not really but…) they chose another internal candidate who had served a longer term as case manager than I had. During this process I was interviewing with the United Way of Greater Kansas City as a Medical Social Worker for the Citizen Assist Program. During these processes I reached way back and sought out professional references from yesteryears and knew no one would be a better candidate than that of Miss Neldra Flint of 4-H ASAP. In my youth she was our Michelle Obama. Her commitment to our progress while exploring higher heights for herself was incomparable. (Ok, put I book mark here, I shall return). So I took that same vigor in with me and gave UW the best that I had and to my surprise (not  really but…) I was offered the position making just as much as I would of as Director of Case Management while working for the “Whos Who” among the nonprofit sector. During my final interview with the CEO of United Way it was made mention that the recommendation they received from Neldra Flint was the most moving they had ever heard. My jaw dropped and my eyes watered as I sat at the table of an organization that funded inner city efforts that I benefited from and now I was invited to sit amongst them as colleagues and peers. This connection with my youth experience and adult promise was heavy in my spirit as I had recently (during my time at Good Samaritan Project) was asked to speak about 4-H for a promotional video and had gave sentiments during the retirement celebration of Leon Moon who was the youth development specialist for 4-H, which basically boiled down to there wouldn’t be a 4-H without him.lol. That was for This.

Ok fast forward to today as I am soaring on my ride with United Way meeting and greeting with the citys greatest leaders from Mayor Sly James, to the CEO of UMB, to the Kansas City Chiefs and the list goes on. I was invited and attended a ‘growtoCEO’ yesterday evening that consisted of anybody who was anybody in the city. This initiative through GenKC is to cultivate young professionals into future  CEOs through local entrepreneurship, local policy making, local arts initiatives, local non profit movements and the like. MMM….does any of this sound familiar?! That was for This. So during the reception as these people made out of money perused the room, eating, drinking, and having small talk with us young professionals that young girl from the 1200 block of Kansas City began to rise up declaring Im way out of my league. The giggling, the gestures, the political jargon all made me sick to my stomach as I declared I would never attend these after-hours festivities cause I aint in it for the money. But there was an entrepreneur spirit that rose up and said…baby this is necessary and you’ve got what it takes. Within a few minutes of trying to shake Shanquinita Alize Ebony Jenkins loose I did what I new best and made a lasting impression that will continue to put me before great men. I am not even going to lie, as a social worker there is a cultural struggle with being ‘corporate minded’. Working for measly pay, and measly conditions becomes a badge of honor but yesterday I desired something more. I was introduced to a new culture of the non profit sector that I didn’t even know existed. This is where the change is made and the real money is exchanged. Loose here you hoodlum I tell myself jokingly.lol. Ok now I want you to go back to where we placed the book mark regarding Miss Neldra Flint, OUR Michelle Obama. She was the face of 4-H. Not only did she grind in the trenches I know now today she put on her corporate hat and made those experiences possible. I couldn’t even tell you what her title was but looking back today I would consider her an entrepreneur, personal consultant, program developer…..Having her in my life planted a seed of greatness that I was not able to comprehend until today. She would come on our side of town with her nice car, nice clothes, proper language roll her sleeves up and get to work. She was someone to be revered yet we had regular access to her. One day she would be stern/mean/and adamant about what she expected and other days she was nurturing and loving. I knew this was both business and personal for her. She invited us to her home (which was immaculate) where we broke bread and laughed about everything. We met her family and they embraced us as their own. She took us to nice restaurants and taught us how to conduct ourselves with class. Stand up straight, look them in the eyes, give them a firm shake, and state your claim….I thank her for this lesson. With so many shameful experiences in my youth I still knew that I was somebody -a gem awaiting her appraisal. As I embrace myself as a public servant I understand from her example that I can too do the work and be compensating for my trouble. There is so much bubbling on the inside of me that I just cant tell it all. I am at a place of reflection while realizing I am on the brink of something great…evenme, evenebony. My hope is that I too can be someones ‘Michelle Obama’ J. That was for This….

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Green Grass


Wednesday WELLness
 
 
 
Do not covet what really does not exist. So many times we rattle to ourselves: How She…? What He…?! OMG They…? There is beauty in waiting on the “real thing” vs. being distracted by what people present yet deceive by the truth they omit.
Things are never what they seem, trust me your grass is just as green. The difference is yours may be cultivated, pruned, watered, and plucked authentically as you live a life of honesty and wholeness while your counterpart is slaving to maintain a field of never should haves, ignored red flags, and mountains of misery yet living a life of forged replicas as they introduce them to the world as their boo, or declaring they are going places with just one shoe, or hanging their degrees when they don’t really have a clue, or living in the old but declaring they are new; All with the intent to prove they are better than you.
Things are never what they seem, trust me your grass is just as green.
Play your own song
Pluck your own tune
March to your own beat
Trust me….
Things are never what they seem, trust me your grass is just as green.
Trust your instincts.
Be patient with yourself, Love yourself, Forgive yourself while training yourself to never settle for less than the best.
Don’t you get weary as it may appear that time is not on your side….trust me this is a lie. Don’t join your counterparts and become a slave to what you’ve spent all this time mastering.
Don’t let misery offer you membership to join her club with her subtleties of conversation masked as having your best interest in mind.
Keep your standard yet kick vanity to the curb.
Cast down every perverted fantasy quenching your mind and body yet leaving your soul thirsty.
 
Play your own song
Pluck your own tune
March to your own beat
Trust me….
Things are never what they seem, trust me your grass is just as green.
 
#somegrassisgreenercauseitsfullofmanure lollollolol
 
Signed,
EvenEbony

Year of Yes

So Im trying to get into adding audio books to my regimen. My sister recommended that in this season of my life I should consider 'Year ...