Series III: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem Series continues….This campaign of celebrating Fathers will continue into July via my blog. I have had an overwhelming sense of support and responses that I have had to pace it accordingly. Fathers to daughters have a special place in my heart and I want them to know that their presence is THE single most component in her life. This week’s highlight is on my top 5 fathers list. He is a man of few words, great wisdom, and a work ethic that in incomparable. He takes on a village mentality, which is honorable beyond words. It is notable when a man is a father to his own offspring but when he becomes a “community father” is when he takes on a different mantle that makes me believe that no good thing should be withheld from him. 

*Highlights from his responses*

When asked what he would tell a young girl with no father his philosophy was to dispel that there are no good men out there by being a good example and filling in that gap for her father. He believes that good men should be willing to bear the weight of bad men and the pains of the wounded young girls.

He thought it was important for adult women to know that she should never take any abuse and that until she gets to know herself she cannot offer a man anything. He believes she needs to know the importance of not settling and being patient. He wants her to let God build her up and reveal to her her ultimate worth.

His advice to men raising daughters was to continually build her up and be her protector. She should know that God has a plan for her life and that she can accomplish anything. Telling her how beautiful she is and that you love her she be done continually throughout the day.

 

 

 

Series II: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

Continuing in the spirit and season of celebrating OUTSTANDING fathers!

Series II: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

 This segment was completed with the valued understanding of both the interviewer and interviewee that: Fathers play a vital role in how a woman later views herself physically and sexually. It is with the understanding that a daughter who has a healthy father figure in her life is able to express herself as a physical/sexual being in a higher esteem and appropriate manner than those daughters who did not have a healthy father figure, that we move forward.

This segment was also quite interesting because I was called upon by the interviewee to share my personal experience with being a child without a healthy father figure but having the privilege of being an adult-child now with a father figure and having to relearn and restructure my beliefs as a woman. Yes…there were tears shed on both ends :…(.

See highlights of the interview below and in the coming weeks check: www.evenebony.blogspot.com for the audio, visual, and manuscript of all the interviews.

Oh…please excuse the language my fellow holy people.

Oh…one more thing. It was me, the man I interviewed, and a doll that sat in a chair for him to refer to for demonstration and real life responses.

 

E: If you had to stare in the face of a young girl who experienced Sexual Abuse what would you tell her?

T: Damn. Umm. Shit I wouldnt tell her nothing I would just ask for his name and address.

E: As flattering as that would be and probably appreciated, lets assume he is dead. I need you to speak to her heart, her mind, and her spirit as if she were your own. I need you to know that 1in5 girls are mishandled sexually in her youth and I need a word for them, not from another victim that survived but from a man.

*silence*

T: Ebony this is too loaded for me to begin with but this is what I would probably say: That man was wrong and all men are not abusers. I would tell her that he is sick and needs to be dead or live under a jail. Ebony, I don’t know what I would say. *shakes head*. What should I say?

E: You did good. Its important for girls to know that the person was WRONG. Trust me, it speaks volumes, when a young girl hears a man validate her experiences with no hidden agenda. That’s why the voice of a father is imperative not optional. There is a different level of healing that takes place when a man shows concern for a woman. Its unfortunate that many girls fall into the arms of a man that mishandles her story and re-victimizes her with his carelessness and selfishness. I want you to know that as a father, your listening ears and validation is enough….trust me its enough, no magic wand or words needed. You are doing well, that’s why I have you here.

 

 

E: Lets change up a bit, If you could share advice to adult women regarding sex what would it be?

T: Men want it and they will do almost anything to get it. Count up the cost and if you don’t want it, then don’t do it. Sex does not make a man or not make a man do something, his intentions were already set. What I am saying is…you can sleep your way into a man liking you and you can withhold expecting to get something either. In the end, he will do what he had always intended to do. Women should move forward with her own intentions aside from his because moving at his pace will leave you confused and frustrated. Say what you want! Believe me when I tell you 99.9% of the time men make no real secret about their intentions with you. Women can fake an entire relationship, men cant. *laughs*. The problem is women don’t see the forest for the trees, they see what they want and not what the man shows them. We are not creative enough to play you forreal, women are just too insecure to walk away.

E: Whoa! Time out! Huh? We are insecure?lol.

T: You stupid. Yes yall are and we know it. The trick then for us becomes if she is just insecure or is she insecure and crazy. Now, if she is crazy and will blow a casket when I don’t be who she is tryna force me to be then I have a situation but other than that we were made for this.

E: Oh so insecure like I don’t think im pretty enough, skinny enough, or smart enough?

T: Na, not quite. I have dealt with some beautiful women but lets face it most single women have a complex whether they admit it or not. Shit...married women do to but that’s another story. Listen, what it boils down to is that women want to know the mind of a man so bad she wont just bow out, she wants to exhaust every possibility not realizing a man is a man and there are certain things youll never know unless you are the one.

E: Mmmm ok. So should I feel special because you are totally breaking the man code right now?

T: Special? Eh… lil limbs you are definitely something kinda like special. *laughs and winks*. I believe in your cause so its whatever really.

E: Ah Ha! I get it! So what youre really saying is na…chick you aint special.

T: Im glad you caught that. See…told you, its not rocket science. *laughs*

E: All jokes aside… you already know.

 

E: Ok now that I am totally blushing, last question: What is important for men raising daughters to tell their daughters about Sex?

T: Don’t do it, it hurts, youll catch a disease and die!

E: Would you stop?!

T: Alright, damn why you tryna make a nigga get all sentimental. Ok, what would I say? Shit…its simple: Tell her the truth and make sure she understands that any boy is initially my enemy.

E: What is the truth?

T: Come on E, give me a break my daughter is only 6. *laughs* Alright, Alright, the truth is it can be good if its with someone you love, and it can be the worst decision youll ever make it its with the wrong person. Waiting til marriage is great but being realistic I want my daughter to know that its on her terms that I want her to move forward. Don’t let a man tell you truth-lies and you believe them to justify not wanting to be alone because youll have to bear the cross in the end. Know your worth and know that for yall whats between yalls legs and yalls heart is the same organ….theres really no difference. So to me daughter, I want her to think with her mind, intuition, and daddys discernment, then in the meantime get a dildo or something.

E: Ummm…I think im gonna stop here because I could take this so many ways but I will say this: This fall I am doing a virginity challenge for all women who are not technically virgins. The challenge consist of coming up with a list of things that you will ONLY do with/for your husband. The list does not have to only consist of sexual standards but overall areas in which we may compromise. Each womans list will be different considering we all have different experiences but the goal is to know that no matter what you have ‘given-up’ there is much more you can “keep”. I think this initiative will be empowering for the non-virgin believer and non-beleiver.

T: Do yo thang lil mama. Oh…are you asking for my help?

E: *stares him down*

T: Aye, whatever you want cause it appears ive lost my man card anyway and need to be wearing panties as soft as you tryna make me.

E: You are not soft, you are an inspiration and I am so grateful you took this time with me.

T: I Love you too.

Series: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

A Fathers love is the closest earthly experience a person will have to that of the Divine God the Father. As he leads, instructs, provides, loves, corrects, protects and serves as King to his wife and children. He understands that his role as a Father is a mantle that goes far beyond the ability to plant a seed but even when no seed in planted he finds his way seeking to rear one that may not even be his own.

His role is taken for granted and underestimated as we praise single mothers, independent women, and equal rights. I know I am the most feminist sexist you’ll probably ever meet but I enjoy my womanhood yet embracing all that manhood may encompass. As a woman I believe that Gods greatest creation was Man, and I actively seek opportunities to remind them of their greatness.

May this Fathers Day season we set our pride aside and begin to speak what we desire regarding our fathers, may we gird up enough strength to seek forgiveness beyond tolerance but reconciliation, may we not only praise our beloved fathers but build up those that may be struggling. We need our Fathers and to make an attempt to exclude them from our family dynamics does our home, community, work place, church, and world a disservice. His home is his training ground to fight the battle this world may bring as he pursues his dreams, provides leadership, creates safety, and manifest global change.

 

Snippet from a live interview with the father pictured below: Pierre Stewart and his daughter Bracey Stewart. Pic taken by yours truly, months ago after church service. I teared up as I saw their sacrifice to push their way to midweek service as it drew dark outside and cold inside with homework yet to be done. With great joy she wore her dads coat as he offered her guidance with her studies. I didn’t know then what purpose this capture would serve me but I knew it spoke volumes and I didn’t want to miss it.

 

E: If you had to stare in the face of a young girl with no father what would you tell her?

P: I would first tell her how beautiful she was, full of talent and promise.

Second, on her fathers behalf I would apologize for his absence.

Third, I would ask her to forgive me for not being a good dad in the beginning.

 

E: If you could share advice to adult women regarding relationships what would it be?

P: Men lie…*laughter* But if he really likes you, he will eventually tell you he lied…*more laughter*. No really, I would tell her that men know what they want and there is no need for her to make the process easy for him, don’t underestimate what we would do for what we want. I would then tell her that time is on her side, don’t fret and don’t settle.

 

E: What is important for men raising daughters to know?

P: Loving their mother is the single most greatest gift you could give them. She watches how you treat women. Believe it or not how you treat women is not always seen but spiritually understood and discerned by young ladies. Why expose them to that non sense and have to watch her on the receiving end of that soon. Support her the same way her mother would. Take interest in the ‘girly things’ because this builds a bond of trust and leaves communication flowing. Gift her great things and support ALL that she does.

 

Facebook in the Month of May

Random FB Posts in the Month of May.....

Christian women if you are so inclined to have heard from God regarding who your husband is just know that it's just FYI. The union cannot be ordained until God reveals this to him and he chooses to pursue you accordingly. Trying to chase a man or conveniently make yourself available will cause unnecessary heartache because he just might not be ready. We must do better at allowing our Godly men to stay on the potters wheel. Your were called to be a help not a hindrance. #evenebony



The moment your voice is not limited to the words you say but your very presence demands, commands, instructs, and edifies. My most rewarding moments are when someone 'gets it' and I say nothing. It's in your look, your touch, your dress, your posture. I pride myself on not letting anything go unsaid. Now I can keep my peace and speak loudly. I'm just glad I'm still here to tell the story... #evenebony #snippetfromWordshavePowerpublicationentry

Wednesday WELLness 'summarized' as I sit in the chamber board room at Union Station realizing i won't have time today to give you a full entry: The moment you pride yourself on believing "If you give me an interview, I'll get the job" is th...e moment you realize real leadership is being approached to fill a role because of who you are and what you're able to contribute. Be unforgettable in your current role and your promotion/dream job will find you. May your success be WELL!!! #growtoceo #nomoreinterviews #theyrenoticing #evenebony #unionstationpanelist #kcchamberofcommerce #eyeofatiger #hearmeroar

 

 

 

Head between legs reciting: Lord keep me humble. Humility of heart knowing that if it had not been for your favor, I would not embark on these journeys. Seeking you for the "how to's" and "what not to do's" while regularly sending you my heartfelt "thank you's". Humility is not about appearing humble for the approval of man in an attempt to prove your humanness but a heart condition understanding that as you rise (literally) you must subsequently descend (figuratively).
#evenebony
#onthebrinkofsomethinggreat

‘He’ said he will love me like ‘He’ loves me. WOW! That is some kind of love, and I will purpose it in my heart to submit accordingly that our lives may be richly blessed and our children may prosper. He wont love you because you are good, but because he loves you he will make you good. There is serenity in him giving himself for you and you giving yourself unto him. My dad said yesterday: People ...are good at being who you want them to be to get what they want. I couldn’t agree more! We must have a personal and spiritual measuring stick to determine and discern if someone makes the cut. Know that this information should be kept private for once you share it, it becomes an aim for someone’s deception. There are things that only me and God know and ultimately it wont be a secret, side swipe, or a surprise because I stay ready. The problem with love/relationship publications is that the one needing the advice is not the only reader. I believe our biggest battle is knowing someone doesn’t make the cut but our selfish desires keep them around for instant gratification hoping it will buy us some time. #evenebony

 

 

Depression is real. I know what it's like to feel hopeless and weary. No matter how blessed others perceive you to be the cloud of darkness follows you enabling you to see, feel, and believe the truth that there is indeed light. To the depressed...reach out. To the trusted party...listen with no judgement or magical/spiritual rebuttal. Just provide opportunities to do something simple,fun,relaxing...,rejuvenating. One day of hope turns into two which turns in to many.

 Yes...there are people who use depression, domestic violence, illnesses, hardship and the like to perpetuate and take advantage of the pure in heart but know that it should be of no concern to you. As long as you live...use wisdom and provide comfort and offer help as a blessing to those who know not what they do.

#evenebony