Series II: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

Continuing in the spirit and season of celebrating OUTSTANDING fathers!

Series II: Fathers, Daughters, and Sex-Esteem

 This segment was completed with the valued understanding of both the interviewer and interviewee that: Fathers play a vital role in how a woman later views herself physically and sexually. It is with the understanding that a daughter who has a healthy father figure in her life is able to express herself as a physical/sexual being in a higher esteem and appropriate manner than those daughters who did not have a healthy father figure, that we move forward.

This segment was also quite interesting because I was called upon by the interviewee to share my personal experience with being a child without a healthy father figure but having the privilege of being an adult-child now with a father figure and having to relearn and restructure my beliefs as a woman. Yes…there were tears shed on both ends :…(.

See highlights of the interview below and in the coming weeks check: www.evenebony.blogspot.com for the audio, visual, and manuscript of all the interviews.

Oh…please excuse the language my fellow holy people.

Oh…one more thing. It was me, the man I interviewed, and a doll that sat in a chair for him to refer to for demonstration and real life responses.

 

E: If you had to stare in the face of a young girl who experienced Sexual Abuse what would you tell her?

T: Damn. Umm. Shit I wouldnt tell her nothing I would just ask for his name and address.

E: As flattering as that would be and probably appreciated, lets assume he is dead. I need you to speak to her heart, her mind, and her spirit as if she were your own. I need you to know that 1in5 girls are mishandled sexually in her youth and I need a word for them, not from another victim that survived but from a man.

*silence*

T: Ebony this is too loaded for me to begin with but this is what I would probably say: That man was wrong and all men are not abusers. I would tell her that he is sick and needs to be dead or live under a jail. Ebony, I don’t know what I would say. *shakes head*. What should I say?

E: You did good. Its important for girls to know that the person was WRONG. Trust me, it speaks volumes, when a young girl hears a man validate her experiences with no hidden agenda. That’s why the voice of a father is imperative not optional. There is a different level of healing that takes place when a man shows concern for a woman. Its unfortunate that many girls fall into the arms of a man that mishandles her story and re-victimizes her with his carelessness and selfishness. I want you to know that as a father, your listening ears and validation is enough….trust me its enough, no magic wand or words needed. You are doing well, that’s why I have you here.

 

 

E: Lets change up a bit, If you could share advice to adult women regarding sex what would it be?

T: Men want it and they will do almost anything to get it. Count up the cost and if you don’t want it, then don’t do it. Sex does not make a man or not make a man do something, his intentions were already set. What I am saying is…you can sleep your way into a man liking you and you can withhold expecting to get something either. In the end, he will do what he had always intended to do. Women should move forward with her own intentions aside from his because moving at his pace will leave you confused and frustrated. Say what you want! Believe me when I tell you 99.9% of the time men make no real secret about their intentions with you. Women can fake an entire relationship, men cant. *laughs*. The problem is women don’t see the forest for the trees, they see what they want and not what the man shows them. We are not creative enough to play you forreal, women are just too insecure to walk away.

E: Whoa! Time out! Huh? We are insecure?lol.

T: You stupid. Yes yall are and we know it. The trick then for us becomes if she is just insecure or is she insecure and crazy. Now, if she is crazy and will blow a casket when I don’t be who she is tryna force me to be then I have a situation but other than that we were made for this.

E: Oh so insecure like I don’t think im pretty enough, skinny enough, or smart enough?

T: Na, not quite. I have dealt with some beautiful women but lets face it most single women have a complex whether they admit it or not. Shit...married women do to but that’s another story. Listen, what it boils down to is that women want to know the mind of a man so bad she wont just bow out, she wants to exhaust every possibility not realizing a man is a man and there are certain things youll never know unless you are the one.

E: Mmmm ok. So should I feel special because you are totally breaking the man code right now?

T: Special? Eh… lil limbs you are definitely something kinda like special. *laughs and winks*. I believe in your cause so its whatever really.

E: Ah Ha! I get it! So what youre really saying is na…chick you aint special.

T: Im glad you caught that. See…told you, its not rocket science. *laughs*

E: All jokes aside… you already know.

 

E: Ok now that I am totally blushing, last question: What is important for men raising daughters to tell their daughters about Sex?

T: Don’t do it, it hurts, youll catch a disease and die!

E: Would you stop?!

T: Alright, damn why you tryna make a nigga get all sentimental. Ok, what would I say? Shit…its simple: Tell her the truth and make sure she understands that any boy is initially my enemy.

E: What is the truth?

T: Come on E, give me a break my daughter is only 6. *laughs* Alright, Alright, the truth is it can be good if its with someone you love, and it can be the worst decision youll ever make it its with the wrong person. Waiting til marriage is great but being realistic I want my daughter to know that its on her terms that I want her to move forward. Don’t let a man tell you truth-lies and you believe them to justify not wanting to be alone because youll have to bear the cross in the end. Know your worth and know that for yall whats between yalls legs and yalls heart is the same organ….theres really no difference. So to me daughter, I want her to think with her mind, intuition, and daddys discernment, then in the meantime get a dildo or something.

E: Ummm…I think im gonna stop here because I could take this so many ways but I will say this: This fall I am doing a virginity challenge for all women who are not technically virgins. The challenge consist of coming up with a list of things that you will ONLY do with/for your husband. The list does not have to only consist of sexual standards but overall areas in which we may compromise. Each womans list will be different considering we all have different experiences but the goal is to know that no matter what you have ‘given-up’ there is much more you can “keep”. I think this initiative will be empowering for the non-virgin believer and non-beleiver.

T: Do yo thang lil mama. Oh…are you asking for my help?

E: *stares him down*

T: Aye, whatever you want cause it appears ive lost my man card anyway and need to be wearing panties as soft as you tryna make me.

E: You are not soft, you are an inspiration and I am so grateful you took this time with me.

T: I Love you too.