You are your Mothers Child

I woke up this morning crying. I thought I was crying because my heart was broken but as I let the tears stream down I uttered "I don't want to be like my mama". As I sit on my first publication [You are your Mothers Child] with my hands tied behind my back I know now why I am struggling with its completion. Although I caught and received the revelation in my head, my heart wasn't sure how to feel about this divine impartation. Ah Ha! You are not your Mother! You are her CHILD! You are a seed that stems from who she is and all that she hoped to be. What she was not able to conquer, you will. Through you, her story continues. As I cried I learned that my biggest fear was not death at all. My biggest fear was being like my mama. I didn't want to fall in love with someone who was toxic and that would eventually abuse me as I suffer in silence with fear of what others would think of me. I didnt want to commit my life to someone but still feel very alone and abandoned. I didnt want to hear someone say they love me but hurt me. I didnt want to choose my need for love over my dignity and respect. I didnt want to be big on the outside but shrunken on the inside. I didnt want to smile  with a black eye or busted lip. I didnt want my love and kindness to be taken advantage of. I didnt want my future children to see their mother broken. I didnt want to be like my mama. I thought because I had not taken a liking to mind altering substances and illegal drugs that I had mastered my biggest fear. Although drugs became my mamas story, she is much more than that. She is a woman of many experiences! She loved, laughed, fought, won, hurt, overcame, worked..... 

I have grown into a beautiful woman that has accomplished what others only dream of and that was my evidence that I was not like my mama. With every degree I thought I moved further from her. As I traveled and met dignitaries I thought I had moved further from her. As I move so elegantly, with others in awe of me I knew we no longer had the same address. It took heartbreak for me to revisit my mama imagining myself sitting on her lap telling her all about it. Then I sat still and cried uttering "I don't want to be like my mama". Then I heard so loud from heaven....Love yourself, and accept the love I have for you. Love the person sitting crying wanting her mama for that is the person no one sees. Don't love the woman you created, but love the woman you are. With every flaw, with every mistake, with every confusing moment...love her. As you love her (yourself)...you will love her(your mother). The missing link to your mothers struggle is that she never was taught or learned how to love herself but you will and through this she will be revived. As you do CPR on yourself, you will give her chest compressions... for you are your mothers child :). The circle of life is a beautiful thing...she gave you life and you shall live.