When someone loses a loved one they
are consumed with the whys, hows, and what nows while yet grasping for that
peace that is sometimes out of reach. Grief one day can be the belief,
certainties and sometimes hope that they’re in a better place and another day
you bury yourself on this side which is the not so better. What was is now no
more and you are left with memories, heart holes, dreams, missing puzzle
pieces, grief, and sorrow as the clock of life keeps on ticking while you are
stuck in the time you lost them or the time the business was unfinished. The
moment questioning this infinite God brings you closer to understanding the
mysteries of this life and gives you a different perspective of every breathe
you breathe. The silent nights filled with tears as your soul empties out its
well. With every gasp you give yourself CPR holding on to something youre not sure
is there. Placing your feet on the floor as you rise from bed becomes a task
needing instructions on what to do from there. One day youre free, another day youre
bound, as you hold the key. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Take the time you
need. Surround yourself with those who can laugh, cry, and just let you be. You
will become stronger. You will become wiser. Love in many forms will visit you
and lick your wounds. You will open your eyes and see life anew, you will look
at your feet and they will look new too. You will be forever changed. Forever
impacted. Forever never the same.
Food
for thought for those dealing with close ones who are grieving: As innocent and
heartfelt as texts and calls are insinuating for the grief stricken to call you
if they need you...9/10 they wont. Those grieving and coordinating arrangements
do not have the time to coordinate services with those who offer general
availability. These are the top acts rendered that made my grieving process
easier.
1."What is on your to do list? Well... 1-3 you can
take off cause I will be doing it".
So many times the griever
is bombarded with tasks and even though completing the tasks gives them a sense of purpose they can often get
over whelmed. Something as simple as picking up food, making copies, sorting
clothes etc. You may need to just ask them where they are and physically help
them knock some of those unseen tasks off the list.
2. "I ran you some bathe water and lit some candles
with some soft music put whatever you have in your hand put it down and lock
yourself in the bathroom for a while".
Just because someone may
spend their time crying or carrying on doesn’t mean they are grieving. The
grieving need time to sit still and let it all out as ugly and uncomfortable
this may be.
3. "What are you doing Thursday? Ok, well Ill will
be at your house at 7:00 so we can grab something to eat". Sometimes friends have to be aggressive with
spending time with someone who is grieving. Its natural to want to isolate but
friendships are still important to the grieving, they don’t need you to give
them space.
4. Calls,
cards, food are ALWAYS oldie but goodies…
yet it still works and is appreciated.
5. Coming to
funeral believe it or not soothes the soul. The griever remembers the faces and
are grateful for the sacrifice.
Lastly, if you were not able to
render the service you had hoped IT IS NEVER TOO LATE! The griever still needs
and appreciates gestures long long after the death. In those moments most
people have fallen away anyway so a surprise what can I do for you today… weeks,
months, even years later is necessary.
