Forever Never the Same

When someone loses a loved one they are consumed with the whys, hows, and what nows while yet grasping for that peace that is sometimes out of reach. Grief one day can be the belief, certainties and sometimes hope that they’re in a better place and another day you bury yourself on this side which is the not so better. What was is now no more and you are left with memories, heart holes, dreams, missing puzzle pieces, grief, and sorrow as the clock of life keeps on ticking while you are stuck in the time you lost them or the time the business was unfinished. The moment questioning this infinite God brings you closer to understanding the mysteries of this life and gives you a different perspective of every breathe you breathe. The silent nights filled with tears as your soul empties out its well. With every gasp you give yourself CPR holding on to something youre not sure is there. Placing your feet on the floor as you rise from bed becomes a task needing instructions on what to do from there. One day youre free, another day youre bound, as you hold the key. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Take the time you need. Surround yourself with those who can laugh, cry, and just let you be. You will become stronger. You will become wiser. Love in many forms will visit you and lick your wounds. You will open your eyes and see life anew, you will look at your feet and they will look new too. You will be forever changed. Forever impacted. Forever never the same.

 Food for thought for those dealing with close ones who are grieving: As innocent and heartfelt as texts and calls are insinuating for the grief stricken to call you if they need you...9/10 they wont. Those grieving and coordinating arrangements do not have the time to coordinate services with those who offer general availability. These are the top acts rendered that made my grieving process easier.

1."What is on your to do list? Well... 1-3 you can take off cause I will be doing it".

So many times the griever is bombarded with tasks and even though completing the tasks gives  them a sense of purpose they can often get over whelmed. Something as simple as picking up food, making copies, sorting clothes etc. You may need to just ask them where they are and physically help them knock some of those unseen tasks off the list.

2. "I ran you some bathe water and lit some candles with some soft music put whatever you have in your hand put it down and lock yourself in the bathroom for a while".

Just because someone may spend their time crying or carrying on doesn’t mean they are grieving. The grieving need time to sit still and let it all out as ugly and uncomfortable this may be.

3. "What are you doing Thursday? Ok, well Ill will be at your house at 7:00 so we can grab something to eat". Sometimes friends have to be aggressive with spending time with someone who is grieving. Its natural to want to isolate but friendships are still important to the grieving, they don’t need you to give them space.

4. Calls, cards, food are ALWAYS  oldie but goodies… yet it still works and is appreciated.

5. Coming to funeral believe it or not soothes the soul. The griever remembers the faces and are grateful for the sacrifice.

Lastly, if you were not able to render the service you had hoped IT IS NEVER TOO LATE! The griever still needs and appreciates gestures long long after the death. In those moments most people have fallen away anyway so a surprise what can I do for you today… weeks, months, even years later is necessary.