Crush the Thirst

Does anybody crush anymore? I mean, old school I got my eye on you and nobody else will do kinda crush. I mean, a heart with me and your picture in it crush. I mean, daisy plucking does he love, does he love me not crush. I think they call it thirsty now. My Lord, peoples appetite today consist of more consumption, yet less filling satisfaction. My prayer is that you find that one…that one crush that wont break your heart and after the prize has been won…the crushing will never stop.

Thirty-Eight. Rain. Warrior.

Turning 38 has been quite reflective for me; Not yet 40 but far from 30. I have experienced life in many magnitudes and I stand here better and stronger...for that I am grateful. Then there is that other side of me that says: though I am grateful for the panning out of my life "working out" in such a miraculous way, I just want to be "HAPPY". This can mean something different for most people but my spirit bears witness to what that means for me. Being Happy is giving myself permission to dance in an unforcasted rain instead of looking for something to cover my head, rushing inside, spending time trying to figure out how I didnt know it was going to rain when I have 3 weather apps, then making plans to make rain boots a part of my daily carry cause I be damned if I get caught slipping again. *sigh*. That was exhausting to type...imagine what my brain does moment by moment. Happy is freedom. Happy is vulnerable. Happy is transparent. Happy is ok with mistakes.

I dont want to be grateful and content in the most solemn'ist' way but I want to be undignifiedly happy in the most Cardi B'ist' way. I dont want to function from a trauma brain when it comes to my love, my career, my health, my wealth, my God. I want to function from a comforted brain where each experience is a new one and I can be reassured/confident that no matter what all will be well concerning me. So in searching for this cross between Michelle O and Cardi B, the thought of that became ok with me.

Then I hear from Heaven...aha it is now time for you to move as the true WARRIOR PRINCESS that you are. My mouth dropped...and the tears flowed. It seems so oxymoronic but the concept brought me to my knees in a very submissive manor. A Warrior is a brave, experienced soldier. Boldness and Assurity is her portion. She is strong and mighty in battle just like her father...the King of Kings. Wisdom is the seat she sits in while Mercy is the cup she drinks from. She is dainty, She can be vain, She is a lover, She is a giver, Her heart is truly pure, but when the enemy tries to convince her she will lose; she declares that she will not go down without a fight. When the enemy tries to put fear in her heart to stop her feet from moving; she declares loudly that perfect love casts out all fear. When insecurity and rejection creeps in; she declares that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. When she feels alone; she is reminded great is thy faithfulness towards her. Ah, wonderful are the works of thy hands O' Lord.

So Who would of thought Happiness comes from walking in your true self, being exactly what you were called to be...and it takes a fight getting there. EvenMe. EvenEbony,

I have accumulated so many titles in 38 years of life...nothing like Warrior Princess though. This is less about what I do and more about who I am. Who I am will always come out in what I do. I was a Warrior Princess as a Single Woman, a Married Woman, and now a Divorced Woman. I was a Warrior Princess with no degree and I am one with three degrees. I was a Warrior Princess sitting in court as the defendant and I was a Warrior Princess as a Politician/Community Organizer. I was a Warrior Princess when I was poor and abused and I am a Warrior Princess with a lil change in my pocket and free. I WAS and AM a Warrior Princess....knowing and flowing in that is what will make me Happy.

Cheers to 38....not quite 40 but far from 30. Come on Rain...I aint playing with yo funky a**.